» I didn't do it

We were young and didn't really have a grasp on mental dissabilities.
I'm sure everyone as children had a late teens retarded kid living in there area?! well our one was called Neil, we would hang around the local park where Neil would wander asking "where's the doggy" in a high pitched excited manor, now as kids at the age of about 13 this was hilarious, and we would tell Neil where the doggy may be, off he'd go on his fruitless mission searching for the make believe dog, after about 5 minutes he'd come back asking again where the doggy was, but even more excited, obviously buzzing off the fact that we were laughing our heads off and he felt a part of this juvenile gang, now feeling like he belonged to the gang his excitement levels were going through the roof, literally frothing at the mouth, at this point someone decided (definitely not me, i SWEAR) to try and get Neil to chase our weedy mate, which he did, with great excitement, he managed to catch our weedy friend, he just roughed him up in a heavy handed retarded manor, now this not being enough and Neils excitement being now at fever pitch, someone shouted (again not me) "Neil chase him with your dick out", Neils head almost exploded and couldn't get his cock out quick enough, shot off like Usain Bolt, the weedy kid scared for his virginity slipped on the grass as he tried to get away and dived on by Neil, cock in hand, and got the dry humping of a lifetime, now me and my other friends are experiencing new levels of hilarity that we never thought existed, while the poor 13 year old weedy mate is getting the life dry fucked out of him by a 6 foot 19 year old retard, and again, let it be said, it was definitely not me who instigated the dry hump or what now would be commonly known as exploiting a mentally disabled person.
(Tue 20th Sep 2011, 16:26, More)

» Amazing Projects

After years of trying....
Me and the wife finally found out we'd probably never be able to have children, something to do with us being 2nd cousins or something like that, anyway after fruitless years and thousands of pounds wasted on IVF we had just about given up on the whole idea of having children.

Then after a boozy night at our Nans funeral she caught for a baby!!!! so nine months later a biggest wishes come true and my wife gave birth to a lovely baby daughter, my greatest ever project!!!

A pic of our beautiful baby!
(Fri 18th Nov 2011, 15:24, More)

» Racist grandparents

A mates Nan
If she ever saw a black person she would tell my mate to touch him or her for luck, I tried it once, I got beaten up and had my my mobile phone stolen, It's what they do apparently
(Thu 27th Oct 2011, 15:44, More)

» The B3TA Detective Agency

I must have been around the age of 6
I went to bed and placed my X wing pilot Luke Skywalker figure under the pillow, i got up the next morning and it had vanished, never ever to be seen again?!

One can only assume that a star wars geek must have sexually abused me during the night and then stole the figure.
(Thu 13th Oct 2011, 19:43, More)

» Money-saving tips

Save money by not buying Viz and reading this weeks QOTW topic instead

(Tue 15th Nov 2011, 14:16, More)