» Lies that went on too long

Parents thought I was emotionally damaged
When I came back from the first Gulf war in 1991 my parents thought I was suffering from some kind of post traumatic stress disorder as I was quiet, withdrawn and kept myself in my room all day. It wasn't till a few years ago that I pointed out to them that at the time I was 19, it was the height of the rave scene and I had a massive addiction on getting mashed of my face at any given opportunity. When asked why I had gone along with the whole post traumatic stress shite, my reply that it was easier than fessing up that I was a massive pill head did not go down too well.
Mum still aint forgave me.
(Sat 10th Mar 2012, 20:26, More)

» First World Problems

Living in the UK
What really pisses me off is people complaining about living in the UK. For example, waiting times at A&E, having to sign on, jobseekers allowance not enough, cost of fags/booze/food, benefits getting cut, police too heavy handed, airport security to heavy, etc, etc!
The UK has one of the best welfare systems in the world, unless you spend all your benefits on skag, you wont starve, kids in the UK are not left to fend for themselves, we have a social safety net to stop that happening and to make sure that the vulnerable are looked after.
Dont believe me, take a trip to Nairobi where life is as cheap as a pack of fags, spend time in sub Sahara Africa, see the welfare system not in action. Travel to the middle east where addiction is treated very differently to the UK, as a matter of fact, go to Saudi in December and try putting up a Christmas Tree, see what reaction you get. What about the health service in Afghanistan?
I am aware that the current government is trying to destroy all of this and make us more like the good old US of A, but come on, the majority of society's ills are self inflicted (drug/alcohol addiction), it is not the fault of the UK.
The UK may not be perfect, the UK may not have all the answers, but at the moment I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.
(Thu 1st Mar 2012, 23:38, More)

» Why will you burn in hell?

Hells been booked since 1996
On a tour down the Falkland Islands back in 96, me and my mate were on R&R in the main (only!!) town on the island, getting totally shit faced. In one bar, The Globe, and we started asking the locals if there were any good time girls on the island, prossies, brasses that sort of thing. I remember the locals muttering to each other then asking me to phone this number and to tell who answered that we were here to party. I did and the voive on the other end said to make sure to bring drink, waahey, c'mon I said to Billy lets go get laid.
Local taxi driver said he would take us there and I remember him giggling the way there (Alarm bell should have started ringing).
I also remember getting out of the taxi and clocking the wheelchair ramp and hand rail (more alarm bells!!)
When we entered we were welcomed like long lost warriors by a small, overweight, physically disabled (legs had gone) and obviously mentally disabled woman in her late fifties. We thought this fine woman was the mum and we were about to meet some ravishing sex bomb daughter in her twenties, but alas this lovely old woman was the entertainment for the night.
What to do! Admit we were conned by the locals and slink back to camp like rats leaving a burning nest or man the fuck up and treat this lady to a night of passionate gang banging.
We manned the fuck up ladies and gentlemen and me and Billy showed that lady the night of her lives, she even found the funny side whilst getting kebabed me and Billy were high fiving like Vegas porn stars.
Ended at three the next morning when Billy sobered up and started sobbing about what we had done, what animals we were etc, etc.
Good night though but what I believe will send me to hell is the fact that I stole her copy of The Immaculate Collection when we left, not the gangbanging of a mentally, physically handicapped lady.
(Tue 17th Jul 2012, 19:53, More)

» Filth!

Living with 7 other squadies
In the back of an APC for 5 months was the dirtiest, grimiest experience I think I will ever experience. The location was the first gulf war in 1990/91 (or the Wests first attempt to keep fuel prices low) we deployed into the Saudi desert on Xmas eve 90 and lived out the back of an APC until the beginning of May 91 visiting Iraq and finishing up in Kuwait. Living and working so close to each other you have to lower standards such as.

No change/laundry of kit - once dirty it stayed dirty.

Commander and driver at the front- The rest of us lived like sardines in the back, farting smoking, eating. Smells soon accumulated.

Cold showers - no biggy this, but the desert isnt always warm, especially at night.

Section 2i/c determined to wear the same union jack boxer shorts for the whole tour - gopping minging bastard especially at the end when instead of a sacrificial burning, he took them back to the UK!!!

Pissing, shiting and wanking in the desert - not fun, but the sand sure is absorbent.
(Thu 2nd Feb 2012, 23:15, More)

» Weird Rituals

Bananas
When I was in basic training in the 80's my section commander refused to let us eat any bananas that when peeled had four sections of skin.
His reasoning behind this was that anyone who puts something with 4 skins into there mouth must be a "bleeding bender".
Even today i still cant peel a banana with more than 3 skins.
(Tue 20th Dec 2011, 16:31, More)