» Pure Fury

Pure fury, unbelievable retardation.
A few years back me and a few friends went to visit another friend of ours who was unfortunately living in Cambridge at the time. It was his birthday and so we were planning on surprising him by turning up unnanounced at this house party he was going to. Surprise occured, mission accomplished, merriment had and beer was drained like a lanced boil from whence it came.

It had gotten to the point, not where every one was dropping like flies, but where people are slowly taking up the comfy couches and cushions etc and drifting off into an unfulfilled light sleep. One of the group, Big Mike, had poached a couple of pillows and a spot on the floor. Now, we call him Big Mike because a) his name is Mike and b) he is built like a 6'4" grizzly bear. Not toned and chiselled like one of those oh-so-many one size too small t-shirt wearing fools that brags about how much they can 'bench', but equally he's not got a Jabba the Hutt physique. He's just 'big'. And he also sleeps like a bear too, which is why the comparison is apt.

The stragglers, myself included (there were 4 of us) had taken up the seats round the table near to where Big Mike was sleeping, when, for no reason other than he must've just gone full retard, our friend Pete walks over and punches Big Mike in the balls.

He wasn't happy.

Big Mike isn't just like a bear when he sleeps. He was awake and moving the fastest I've ever seen anyone move, and considering he'd just been hit in the balls it was damn impresive that he wasn't still on the ground weeping like a sailors wife looking at a storm. He immediately had one hand around Pete's neck and the other pulled back to hit him. Me and the other two guys who'd been awake got in the middle and were just holding on to his arms, going "whoa whoa stop no" etc etc, I believe the phrase "WE NEED HIM ALIVE" was even shouted.

It was an incredibly tense probably 30 seconds but felt like a good 10 minutes, and Big Mike eventually let go and settled back down to sleep.
We couldn't believe how stupid Pete was or why he'd even done that and to this day he doesn't know, but all was patched up (balls included) and we're all still good friends to this day. We occasionally revisit that night to other peoples entertainment when on the subject of stupidity or rage, so at least we got entertainment out of it after.

TL DR: tough. Go back.

Apologies for length etc but it's better then being punched in the knackers.
(Fri 27th Sep 2013, 2:40, More)

» Not-stalgia

Long time lurker 1st time poster...
And apologies in advance for lack of length and funnies, be gentle!

The past may have been shit for a lot of reasons; due to once being a child/teen I remember not having a disposable income, not having a car, not having any plans for the future or anything in particular to look forward to. But it was when I was over a friends house about 2 years ago that I heard the line I'll never forget. (And apologies again in advance as it wasn't the most profound or funny thing ever mentioned, it just stuck with me).

We were both bored on a slow Sunday with not much to do, no one we knew was around that weekend and we were pretty poor it being late in the month, but not late enough for Wage Fun Times. He just said "you know when we were younger we never had to sit and think of things to do involving money or anything like that. Just hanging around together was enough". And it's true. When we were younger we could waste hours trying to hit the telephone lines with stones or throwing balls (behave!) at each other in the fields or a hundred other seemingly inane activities. But as we got older it became less socially acceptable to do that and we were more inclined to spend time (and wages/dole money) in the pub.

Although that's not to say they ever stopped being fun we just, kind of, grew out of doing that all the time.

*runs away before being shouted at over the interwebs for time wasting etc*
(Wed 4th Sep 2013, 1:13, More)

» Irrational people

People who use the Imperial system of measurement.
Why do some countries or organisations stick to this archaic system whereby you have to calculate how many smaller units make up a bigger unit? And it differs depending on what quality you are measuring.

For weight we have 16 ounces make 1 pound, 14 pounds make 1 stone, and 160 stones in 1 ton. Then for distance we have 1 inch (which is divided into 16ths), 12 inches make 1 foot, 3 feet make 1 yard, 1760 (wtf?) yards make up 1 mile!

Can we not just stick to moving the decimal point up/down or would that be too hard for all the people who grew up in the bronze age? I really don't understand peoples arguments for it, OK you may have been educated with this system and had to use it before the government change (most) things into metric, but ffs we don't count in binary in our heads, so why is simply 1/1000th, 1, 1000, so hard to understand? It's how we were taught to count! When we were 2! Before we even knew what a measurement was!
(Mon 14th Oct 2013, 22:46, More)