» Party Tricks and Secret Talents

farting on command
i used to be able to inhale (is that the right word?) air in thru the bumhole, by lying on my back and contracting stomach muscles. then blowing out said air in various different fart types, rippers or clappers, dependent on bumcheek control. i discovered this by accident on NYE 1991, and was a regular party piece for ten years. we emailed 'Mister methane' and told him of my gift, and he said he only knew of one other who could do it. Les Dennis! my father would have got me out of bed if he had folk in on the drink to perform this, and my record was 24 single farts off of one inhale. anyway, i had to stop because i was showing the wife it cos she had heard, sucked in far too much air and was in agony for couple of hours, farting every 5 or 10 seconds, then i took a nose-bleed, then a panic attack. my sister found me on the bathroom floor curled in a ball, jaw and arms locked, covered in blood, farting like crazy. it was never mentioned again.
(Sun 17th May 2015, 23:45, More)

» Not Getting the Job

only man to ever not get a job with eventsec
my big mate chris was the only man to ever get refused a job with Eventsec (yellow-shirted concert security N/Ireland). we both went for jobs in it to get a free pass to Oxygen down south, and when at the end of the interview the guy says ; 'have you any questions?' big Chris asks ; 'do you get a gun?'

he never heard back.
(Mon 15th Jun 2015, 21:30, More)

» Ignorance


i thought 'pigeon' had a 'd' in it until recently
(Tue 23rd Feb 2016, 18:44, More)

» British Slang Dictionary

Curtis, interrupt us.
round my neck of the woods we would say 'she's brave n fonda the rodd' or ' she's con10 at the bul' , both meaning a lady who likes the coitus.
(Sat 23rd Jan 2016, 16:00, More)

» House Parties

hoose trashed
i was at a party where the houseowners dalmation got the dots joined up by marker pen, and eggs and flour were put in the toaster. hallions!
(Sun 11th Oct 2015, 12:03, More)