Call Centre of Cunts
I've worked in a bastard-cunt-fucksocks call centre for over 5 years now. It truly is a place of despair: a company that strives for multi-national status, yet employs fuckwits of unparalleld witlessness.

(The fuckers also pay a pittance and I'm so deeply ashamed of my job I am reluctant to meet new people for fear of them politely enquiring as to what I do what a living. Apologies for the digression from topic, but the place really is evil.)

Due to the lackadaisical employment screening process the number of bastard colleagues is through the roof, so here are the details of a couple of the star players:

Captain Bob: Captain Bob was my manager for nearly a year, and is actually a pretty decent guy.

However, Captain Bob is ex-SBS (I am not privy to his actual rank, so 'Captain' Bob is merely a comedy nickname). Captain Bob has done HALO drops, diffused semtex devices underwater and probably killed several people. And this was sometimes reflected in his management style.

For instance, a friend of mine sadly passed away and I was told I was not entitled to attend the funeral as I had taken a day off the previous week. He is a good guy though, and I would certainly not want to get on the wrong side of him.

'The Gage': His surname was Gage, therefore he liked to be known as 'The Gage' and would refer to himself in the first person (like Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson).

The term 'compulsive lying' does not even begin to describe the torrent of bullshit that would stream forth from his lips at any given moment.

If you were in the pub with him and two attractive girls walked in, 'The Gage' had slept with them both (but you couldn't go and talk to them, as that would just be awkward. Obviously).

He used to buy high-grade weed from "black dudes with guns".

He had broken his back when he was hit by a car (it transpired he had bruised his back play-fighting with one of his mates).

He had passed an RAF fitness test and was waiting for the results of an examination which would entitle him to instantly become an officer when he joined. He was confident he would pass.

He didn't drive, he had stolen a BMW while still only provisionally licensed, this resulted in a high speed chase and his license was revoked.

One of my mates (b3tan bongmaster *waves*) and myself informed two female colleagues of 'The Gages' status as a world class bullshitter, 'The Gage' found out that we had been bad-mouthing him and accosted us outside a local nightspot. Apparently "The Gage has slashed folk for less than that".

Apologies for length, but if you think that's long you should see the cock on 'The Gage'.
(JasperSinister is offering two tickets to the gun show, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 12:45, 7 replies)

Have
a sympathy click as i know how spirit crushing call centers are.....
( Trollman, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 12:52, closed)

thanks Raff
I never knew true apathy until I becan working in a call centre.
(JasperSinister is offering two tickets to the gun show, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 13:07, closed)

Sympathy click here, too...
I've done my time, and it stuns me that people like that(especially 'The Gage')seem to populate call centres everywhere...

Apathetic, eh? I'd stay away from recruitment consultancy, if I were you.. :)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 14:03, closed)

Ah..
The Gage.

What ever happened to him?

No doubt sleeping with the entire continent or something.
( Bongmaster Is a Junglist Soldier., Thu 24 Jan 2008, 16:42, closed)

I'm sure
he's probably the head of an international drug cartel, training to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion or he's curing cancer.

Whatever he's doing, he'll be having a LOT of sex :)
(JasperSinister is offering two tickets to the gun show, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 17:47, closed)

Surely...

You're too intelligent to work in such a shithole?

Get out, man, and find something that does your talents justice.

If that doesn't work, can I recommend alcohol?

oh, and 'all the sixes...clickety clicks'
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 24 Jan 2008, 19:03, closed)

Unfortunately Pooflake..
...I live in the deadlands of the Scottish Borders, where decent employment opportunities are rarer than Nazis at a convention for Homosexual Negro Bodybuilders
(JasperSinister is offering two tickets to the gun show, Fri 25 Jan 2008, 10:09, closed)