Worst "pizza" ever
Being of Scottish origin I don't get surprised by unexpected local delicacies but this one absolutely caught me off-guard.

Instructions for making pizza
1) combine ingredients for base, form dough, cover and leave to prove
2) using fingertips gently form dough into a 12" round using a floured surface
3) gently simmer tomatoes, Italian herbs, red onion, to form a sauce according to traditional recipe
4) spread over base, scatter over mozzarella and other tasty ingredients
5) slide onto pizza stone and bake

Instructions for making pizza in the chip shop on the high street, Elgin
1) acquire Iceland's finest cheese and tomato pizza. Should resemble stained red bread for best results
2) fold in half
3) throw in deep fat fryer

Seriously, trying to peel apart the soggy, oily result looked, felt and smelt like peeling apart a teenage boy's discarded socks. Guess which one I'd rather put in my mouth...
( AWPS, Mon 30 May 2011, 15:18, 11 replies)

Our local chippie in Glasgow used to do battered and deep fried cheese and onion sandwiches.
Five billion greasy calories for thirty pence.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 30 May 2011, 15:47, closed)

Oh GOD YES!
:D
Fond memories of those after a night shift.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 30 May 2011, 17:04, closed)

Pizza Crunch
Yum
(BiggestNizzy your company name here pm for rates., Mon 30 May 2011, 18:34, closed)

Holy crap
that sounds fantastic. And regrettable. But mostly fantastic.
( Fronds are waving gently on, Tue 31 May 2011, 22:40, closed)

The socks.
Because you're a paedo.

Paedo.
(SlantedScience, Tue 31 May 2011, 3:24, closed)

Mmm...socks
*crunch*
( AWPS, Tue 31 May 2011, 10:27, closed)

those sick bastards conned me as well
was my last night onboard a ship and we went up the road in aberdeen for a piss up, many beers later we're at a takeaway. I order a chicken kiev pizza. While its cooking I spy a tasty looking onion bahji. "I'll eat that now please" quoth I. The thing they gave me was just fucking hot oil, with the remnants of crispy bahji underneath, in short it was ruined.

I chucked it in the bin and notched this up to experience. Pizza was ready and as I meandered down the road I opened the lid to grab a tasty slice of manky greasy pizza, that had been deep fried as well

seriously, they deep fry everything up there! cutlery, babies, mars bars...
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Tue 31 May 2011, 9:42, closed)

Hey now, don't mess with the mars bars
If anyone doubts the deliciousness of a deep fried mars bar then try it for yourself. Grab a mars bar, stick it on a plate then whack it in the microwave on full power. Best to keep an eye on it because after about seven seconds the thing will erupt into a tasty gooey melted-chocolatey mess. Yum.

WARNING: MAY BURN THE ROOF OF YOUR MOUTH SO BADLY YOU CAN TASTE BRAINS
( AWPS, Tue 31 May 2011, 10:26, closed)

mmm braiins

(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Wed 1 Jun 2011, 10:51, closed)

Yech
Next time (if you are unfortunate enough to be in Elgin again) get a pizza from 'Scribbles', the cafe across the road from the chippy. Shit name, great pizza.
(Brandy Bolland, Tue 31 May 2011, 15:06, closed)

Scribbles is good
Yeah been there already, it was pretty good pizza. And not folded in half.
( AWPS, Tue 31 May 2011, 16:21, closed)