One Way Ticket Booked!!
its been a while so go gently...

I was 16 years old and at a house party at someones house (who I probably didn't know) who's parents were away. Que the obligatory underage booze-fest!

Anyway whilst stumbling around the house I happened upon an unconscious girl - I should have covered her up and made sure she was OK, but I just couldn't pass up on this chance of some fresh finger sniffing action!

I shoved my hand down her nickers - only to find an old school fanny rag - it was like a fucking huge albino rat - horrible.

Anyway - I thought fuck it, ripped the rat out of there and finger rapped her right there for a good 5 seconds!!

she was probably under-age as well!

regrets - loads but not that!! Rock and roll!
(Clit Ninja is having a white space party!, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 19:02, 39 replies)

sexual assault is well lol

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 19:17, closed)

Nothing immoral to read here. Move along.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 19:40, closed)

hahaha, yeah, rape, lol.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 16 Jul 2012, 21:05, closed)

So, you're either a rapist without a conscience, or fishing.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 21:14, closed)

Hope he's been caught by the Archives hook.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Jul 2012, 10:04, closed)

Classic QOTW

( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 21:35, closed)

Yup, this is how it's done:
hard and fast, with no trace of remorse.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 22:22, closed)

*words failing*

( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Mon 16 Jul 2012, 22:43, closed)

I was all set to judge you for misusing the word 'que'
But then you admitted to raping someone so I think I'll judge you for instead.
(Roger McGough-Pipe, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 22:44, closed)

* whose

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 23:16, closed)

Rape lulz!
It was going to happen - we all knew it. Dressing the qotw up in such skimpy clothes & then getting it so drunk.
It was asking for it.

Oh and - *finger raped*, otherwise it sounds like you were reading the lyrics off a Tupac album in braille.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 16 Jul 2012, 23:56, closed)

Did your username come from this story?

(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 0:17, closed)

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, and assume that 'finger rapped' means you wooed her with bitchin' lyrical stylings in Makaton. Because anything else would make you a cunt.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 2:16, closed)

Fingermouse
goes gangsta.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 8:49, closed)

why not? We already have Rastamouse...
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 10:04, closed)

He couldn't make this
bad ting good.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 10:43, closed)

no, this is a job for.... Pederastamouse (and the Sleazy Crew)
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 18:39, closed)

Ha!

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 19:45, closed)

Needs more digital-vaginal penetration.
Only for a couple of seconds mind. Otherwise it might be rape.

*My daughter quite likes Rastamouse - & I can never watch it with her again now.*
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Jul 2012, 10:43, closed)

nudge her towards Horrible histories instead - it's oddly enjoyable
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 23:18, closed)

Oh she loves HH.
For some reason I quite enjoy the Terrible Tudors. Go figure.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 18 Jul 2012, 1:15, closed)

alright alright
I may have embellished the story a little.

it was probably only like 2 seconds - but I wiped my finger on her t-shirt!

All stories need a bit of 'spicing up' I'm sure Harry Potters scar was not lightning shaped - like all scars it probably looked like an angry vag, but then that's not as cool!
(Clit Ninja is having a white space party!, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 8:25, closed)

Everyone knows that sexual assault doesn't count
if you're quick.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 8:51, closed)

its not rape
If you shout surprise first.
everyone knows that
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 12:37, closed)

Not sure this one needed spicing
up.

It is what it is. As you so illiterately put it yourself, it's a rape story.

I'm not sure it's true, but then I'm not sure what's worse - if it is true you're a sex offender, if it's not true you're just fucking wierd.
(username failed moderation, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 8:51, closed)

Of course.
Everyone knows that it's not rape if you digitally molest a young, drunk nearly comatose girl for a loooooong time.

I call bullshit anyway - any chav/bogan/redneck boy worth his salt would know to leave the evidence on his fingers to brag about to his mates later.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Jul 2012, 9:06, closed)

You are a sick fuck.
That is absolutely horrible. How you feel that admitting to sexual assault would in any way be funny is beyond me. I hope someone sets fire to your crotch and your hands.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 17 Jul 2012, 9:51, closed)

Crying with laughter at this! I love the reaction it has provoked!!
(boosh, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 10:06, closed)

Haha, cause rape is funneeey!
Until it happens to you or somebody you love. Then the humour quotient seems to go down somewhat.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 17 Jul 2012, 10:26, closed)

Yes because your contributions to people have been just as lovely.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 17 Jul 2012, 10:34, closed)

Rapist or troll?
Either way I'm getting the fuck off your bridge you bad motherfucker (and I mean bad motherfucker in a truly you are going to what counts for hell because you are a possible sexual attacker and I hope you burn in real life kinda way).
(WOGAN'S WIG FIXER, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 10:15, closed)

At
least this is a story that is worthy of hell (If there is such a thing), still think the OP is on the wind up though.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 10:35, closed)

Epic fail either way
If it's true, the OP is a rapist.
If it's "embellished, Officer", the OP is a window-licking internet sociopath.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 11:41, closed)

As he's claiming to have touched a girl's fanny,
it's almost certainly not true.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 13:05, closed)

Cheers

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 11:52, closed)

You sir...
Are a cunt of the highest order.
(horsethroat chewing on life's gristle on, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 12:39, closed)

Hmmm...
See, I'm tempted to shout "Cunt!" (for the idea of this being true is deeply unpleasant and nothing to laugh about).
On the other hand, I've posted outrageous things in the past (http://www.b3ta.com/questions/foodsabotage/post248788) for the sheer joy of being outrageously vile....
So - I shall refrain from hurling abuse, but neither shall I enclicken you (despite your reply being so eminently burn-worthy).
(minimalist ..., Tue 17 Jul 2012, 15:06, closed)

Fuck off back to mumsnet.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 17 Jul 2012, 18:22, closed)

Mmmm Mmmm Smelly Fingers!!!!
Clicking just for the responses from the morally outraged. Fuck off back to your Daily Mail.
(Hammy1801 may have scabies!, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 10:43, closed)