I am a small, small person
I'm at the wedding reception of my ex-girlfriend. It's over, and it's time to leave for the afterparty. I'm walking out and in an anteroom I see a bottle of champagne and two take-away food boxes. I look in the boxes and it's a sampling of the food from the reception buffet, which was awesome. I look around and there's nobody around, so, nice and drunk, I decide to swipe them and take them out to the car with me. But I don't want to be spied on my way out helping myself to a bottle of champagne. So I figure I'll stick it down my pants and cover it up with my shirt and coat and carry the food boxes in front of it so nobody will notice.

I've got it halfway down my pants, drunkenly leaning back and looking down at my waist when I hear, "Ohh!" and look up and it's the bride's mother, the sweetest angel woman in the world from a wonderful, established, classy, prominent family, looking at me with equal parts confusion, sorrow, and shock. Turns out it was food and drink for the bride and groom to eat in the car or the hotel (you never get to eat at your own reception so she had made them up some plates of food). And I had my shirt pulled up and was sticking it down my pants. To steal it. I had to pull it back out and set it back on the table and walk out mumbling something about "..thought they'd left.." I've never felt so horrible and ashamed in my life. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
(kookoobirdz, Sun 6 Jun 2010, 4:46, 8 replies)

Permanent scars. The shame will never recede.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sun 6 Jun 2010, 5:51, closed)

Your only option,
is to ritually disembowel yourself in front of the whole family. If you don't, you are a worse person than Danny Dyer.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Sun 6 Jun 2010, 7:21, closed)

Agreed
Mishima's end was also the result of drunken-bridal-take-away-theft*.
^{(*may not be true)}
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Sun 6 Jun 2010, 22:35, closed)

Pfft
the bride is your ex. If only for a twist of fate, that'd be your food anyway.
Plus, you nearly got away with it.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 6 Jun 2010, 9:04, closed)

Hear Hear

(ElGranto, Sun 6 Jun 2010, 10:48, closed)

Ouch
Ooh I cringed at that.
Have a click
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Sun 6 Jun 2010, 22:31, closed)

Ex?
You never invite an ex to a wedding.

Though this is probably not the reason why.
( Rookie You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel, Mon 7 Jun 2010, 11:44, closed)

Truly shameful
*click* for bravery in telling.

Hope you can face coming out in sunlight again sometime.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Mon 7 Jun 2010, 17:00, closed)