* PFFT *I've been pretty farty all week, but 2 large helpings of sausage and lentil stew last night have really tipped things over the edge. I swear you can see these ones.
I'm here at work trying to hold them in so I (a) don't have to keep nipping to the loo like a madman and (b) don't gas half the office, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. I might rupture something if I'm not careful.
Tell us all about your own fartiness.
(
chthonic, Fri 13 Jul 2007, 14:01)
« Go Back
Hedgehog gassingMy mate's mum used to be part of some kind of organisation that rescued injured and abandoned animals. He always had to share his house with squirrels and hedgehogs, requiring weeks or maybe months of careful rehabilitation. He had to suffer all these poor souls stinking out his bedroom as his mum lovingly nursed them back to health.
Anyway, one hot summer I'm around my mate's house sitting in the garden catching some rays and generally talking mince when his mum comes out with one of these hedgehogs. Apparantly it needed excercise for it's iminent release so we had the job of keeping an eye on it as it ran around the garden sniffing things intently. It sniffed around the flowers, it sniffed around the lawn and eventually came to us two. It's little nose sniffed around me, then my mate. It sniffed his feet, then went up his leg, sniffing all the way upto his thighs. Now my mate's eyes lit up, quick as a flash he opened his legs apart and as the little mite sniffed his balls, my mate let out a ripple of one of the most noxious gas emissions I've ever encountered.
What happened next was amazing.
The hedgehog put it's nose right onto my mates bumhole and in an instant recoiled in horror. Not only that but the poor fella started having what I could best describe as a violent seizure. Most disturbingly it started twisting its head around and began vomiting on it's own back! Staggering sideways and then running backwards, head spinning, tongue lolling out of it's mouth it finally came to rest on it's back when it fell off the lawn into the flower beds a good four feet away, and continued to throw up on itself until eventually it curled up into a ball.
The guff was horrendous to me and I was a smoker at the time so my sense of smell was shot, but poor Mr Tiggywinkle would've been able to sniff out a slug from 10ft away and he was sniffing the brown-eye of the storm.
We thought it was going to die, I thought I was going to die (laughing). It didn't, but it did spend an extras week in rehab as according to my mate's mum, "it didn't seem quite ready to go out anymore."
(, Fri 13 Jul 2007, 17:07, Reply)
« Go Back