Would you like pubes with that sir?
There's a small troop of us who go to watch football on a Saturday afternoon, frequently in fancy dress, and often in women's clothing.... There's this strange little bloke who's always in our pub after the games, a little grubby little bloke. He grunts and laughs alot, but we've never heard him speak...

This guy must be in his late 50's and stalks round the bar in his little leather jacket, trying to find someone to stand with. My dad always seems to carry his 'nutter magnet' around with him so it was only natural this guy would find himself trying to infiltrate our little group. He'd try steal your props, knock your hat off, steal your beer, generally anything he could do to try get your attention...

After one particular game where we'd lost quite heavily, this guy decides to lick my face as i'm standing at the bar...naturally i was feeling pissed off because of the result so after this I was ready to break his face. I was persuaded otherwise by my dad that he was just a fruitcake and we'd get him back later....roll on about 15 minutes later when this guy leaves virtually a fresh pint on the bar and heads to the toilet....10 seconds later i watch in utter hysterics as my uncle proceeded to pull hairs (often in agony) from his nether regions and carefully place in the froth of this blokes beer...topped off with the ass hair of my 52year old father for good measure...

Watching this bloke take a couple of swigs before picking a few hairs from his tongue was the best laugh I'd had in ages......

He still drunk the pint
(dangleberries, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 9:17, Reply)