Wee Hee Wee Hee
I've only started doing this recently, but....

The gf and I had been down at the local, just social drinking with the regulars, but as you get entwined into the bar props sad lives it does make yours sound a bit better.

The pub has two sets of toilets, one at the bar end and one past the pool tables at the other end. The 'cleaner' / local sop had already informed us blokes that the gents at the bar were out of order - and he couldn't a) be arsed to sort them b) would fall over if he got off his stool, so we would have to trudge to the other end of the pub (almost 30m!) to strangle the snake.

The pub was heading towards the usual 'lock in' for us regs and the remaining public were being ushered out of the doors.

The gf needed to powder her nose and I wanted a huge piss to top up the North Sea. I whinged to her that I would have to venture to the 'druggie' bog where the really big spiders held the toilet seat up in a web at least an inch think. She could see my bottom lip trembling at the thought so took my hand and led me into the ladies at the bar end.

Cor!! Carpet! Locks on the doors that worked and loo rolls that had not been pissed on. Brill I thought, a new world.

Sadly only two cubicles, but only one free, as some slouch of the public was in one, but as it was carpeted I could sneak in and share with the gf.

Good god, me thinks as she slips down a microthong. a) Where did that come from b) what's the point?

She starts and I've got the pressure of the Hoover dam straining to be let loose so urge her to 'get a sodding move on'. Bollocks, fucking hurry up!! Right, trousers down, tackle out and wave my mighty weapon at her face in a manner which says 'finish shaking your venus fly trap or get a facefull of hot recycled lager - now (please darling)'. This makes her giggle, but no idea why..... I can't shout at her as whoever was next door would hear, so waggle my man meat more vigorously and slapping her cheek.

This makes her laugh even more and grabs it (with both hands), opens her legs and pulls me down. To stop myself spanging my head on the shelf behind her I have to put both hands out and come to rest at an angle of @45 degrees, knob between her legs. I know what a cow feels like now, being milked.

I cant do anything but let the flow start and we pee together with her holding my todger against her landing strip. The giggles start like a couple of school kids and we can't stop. My stream is like a firehose and it briefly slips out of her hands. 'Ooo' she says, 'right on my clit' which she seems to like, and proceeds to angle it where she wants. I'm in fits of giggles now and my feet start slipping on the carpet (remember the angle) as its already a minute of torential gush on her gash.

Finally the flow ebbs and she let's go, so a quick waggle of the weapon against the inside of her thighs and I'm fit for another few pints. She's ready too so we both fall back into the bar, laughing our tits off. We calm enough to order a round when a mid age woman walks out of the ladies and looks around at who's left in the pub. As my gf is the only other female on the fun side of the bar, she gives her a filthy look, tuts and marches out of the doors. Cue (sorry Hurricane) fits of laughter from the both of us, crying, with the regs looking at us as though we were a couple of loons!!

The gf got a bit 'itchy' a few days afterwards so is off to the clinic today. I still laughed at her.

That'll teach her!
(Suck it and Sea, Mon 26 Jul 2010, 9:21, 2 replies)

Sorry what?
Have you just said that your guilty laugh is that you have an STD that you gave to your other half by weeing on her clitoris?!
( more balanced than jeremy beadle It wasn't me..., Mon 26 Jul 2010, 22:55, closed)

Who cares? It's watersports, and not by Spanky!

(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Tue 27 Jul 2010, 21:46, closed)