Corrupting children
Christmas shopping the other week, I popped into a branch of Early Learning Centre to pick up some things for my youngest relatives. In amongst the shelves of generic noisy toys and building bricks, there were the tacky TV tie-ins; perfectly ordinary toys wrapped into the shape of a popular children's TV character, to make them sell better.

One such example was the magnetic drawing board. This device, a small writing surface which can be turned black with a magnetic pen, and whitebeige again by wiping the whole thing with a lever on the toy's back, was covering the front of a character from In The Night Garden. Macca-Daisy, or Upsy-Pacca or something. Whatever. The blue one with the red rag.

Naturally, I did what any adolescent trapped in the body of a 31-year-old would do, and drew a massive cock'n'balls on the drawing board, in a roughly anatomically correct position (as anatomically correct as you can be when your schlong reaches half way up your chest. Hello, ladies). I then replaced Macca-Packing on the shelf, behind an unadulterated version of himself, so that his Ninky-Nonk would remain undisplayed until the next person in the shop removed the toy at the front of the shelf.

The only mitigating circumstance which may save me from the fiery place is that the shelf in question was over a metre from the ground, so the kiddywinks won't be the ones to find it.


I think I've dealt with the length already.
( le brian, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 12:00, 8 replies)

atomically
I do like the idea of a drawing that is accurate at the atomic level.
( monkeybananaraffle, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 12:13, closed)

Haha
*corrects*
( le brian, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 12:29, closed)

You are getting a click
Simply for the term 'Ninky-Nonk'.

Bravo sir!
(fannymcslap Slap my mcfanny, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 12:14, closed)

The B3ta is strong in this one.
*Salutes*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 12:17, closed)

I think you'll find
That the blue one is known as, 'Iggle Piggle'
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 12:49, closed)

In art supplies shops
and the Tate gift shops, I like to rearrange all the little mannequins so they're doing "YMCA" moves.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 12:56, closed)

you deserve a click
for the ymca thingy

genius
( zulu eh?, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 13:29, closed)

69ing Toys
I've left toys in 69 positions in shops. Winnie The Pooh and Tigger have always got a thing going when I've passed their shelves (did you know Tiggers are self-lubricating?). As for Iggle Piggle and Upsy Daisy...

Iggle Piggle will feel much better when he's decided which pocket to put his red hanky in.
(Jamie and his magic bat You can bump n' grind, it is good for your mind, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 16:10, closed)