put on some pants at least, damn
i'm a senior at Ohio State University, and by far the worst roommate that i've had was a guy who became one of my roommates my freshman year. prior to spring break, one of my other roommates had decided that living in a 28'x20' area with three other guys was especially retarded, given that his parent's house was 20 minutes away from campus.

so, the people in charge of housing at OSU, in their infinite wisdom, decided to fill up the space with maybe the worst possible candidate for living in a cramped space with three other guys; when i came back to the dorm after spring break, i found him sitting indian-style (cross-legged) literally 10 inches from the tv screen, playing a PS2 game. i said hi and introduced myself, which elicits the response of "heyi'msam," and the fastest head-swivel i've seen to turn his attention back to the game.

"okay fine," i think, "he's a douche, but i guess it's not that big of a deal as long as he's quiet"

well, he was quiet, but that didn't make me right. before i get into some of the incredibly annoying shit he did, i should explain how he came to live in my room in the first place.

Ohio State operates on the quarter system. a normal academic year takes up three quarters: fall, winter, spring, each roughly 10 weeks long. sam had signed up for living in a dorm fall quarter, but also had apparently neglected to sign up for classes, instead preferring to use the dorm like an apartment. except he figures that because he's in the army reserve and is getting a paycheck, he can sit on his ass, not go to class, and just eat at Wendy's everyday. which he did. two weeks later, OSU finally wises up to what's going on and kicks him out, and then suspends him for winter quarter. spring quarter rolls around, he applies for a residence hall, and OSU puts him in the same damn place, but three doors down the hall. thanks guys.

so, there he is, sitting in his boxers and playing PS2. little did i know that that's the position he would be occupying for roughly 80% of the next 10 weeks. here's a short list of the various stuff he'd do:

-playing PS2 CONSTANTLY, and by which i mean waking up at 8:30 to play it until a 12:30 class, and then coming back from class at 2 or so to play it until 12:30 at night. i really, really wish i was exaggerating.

-using the computers of my roommates and i to go to various porn and wrestling sites, sometimes a combination of both.

-waiting till he was alone in the room and then turing off the air conditioning in fucking JUNE when it's 90 degrees in Columbus because he's "from north carolina and he can't deal with the cold"

-using an entire roll of toliet paper a week because of a chronic masturbation problem

-oh, this one was great. i mentioned that he was in the army reserves, which meant that he was supposed to go to drill every few weekends. since he never went, i got more than a few angry calls from sargents wondering WHERE THE FUCK IS PRIVATE SHITSTAIN IF YOU FIND HIM GET HIS ASS ON A BUS OR HE'S OUT

-eating nothing but Wendy's, and then unleashing fart after greasy fart without a care in the world

but by far the creepiest thing we ever saw him do was when me and the other two roommates decided to go out for some lunch, and came back to find him in his usual cross-legged position in front of the tv with the PS2 on. only this time, he wasn't playing the game, he was watching it intently.

see, what he had done was set his wrestling game to have the computer fight itself an a simulation with 4 characters going at it at once. so of course sam selected the four female charaters in the game, and had them wear the skimpiest suits possible.

if he hadn't been alone, in his boxers, and stroking his chin while carefully watching this like some kind of really pathetic super-villian, maybe i wouldn't have been so skeeved.
(deilbfe6ogcshnbcryjh, Sat 7 Apr 2007, 6:56, Reply)