Time for a pearoast me thinks. I ruined the day trip of the most annoying kid I've ever had the misfortune of being in the vicinity of...
As an experienced traveller of buses, I feel that I have gained a invaluable insight into the problems of public transport. The main problem is that OTHER PEOPLE ARE ANNOYING. This rule applies tenfold in the case of children.

So, one particular day I get on the bus to go into town and take my seat towards the back of the bus. Far back enough to not be sat with the elderly, but not too far back to be stuck with the thugs. All is going as well as a journey in a clapped out stinking bus can possibly go, when the child from hell jumps aboard with his fat arsed chav mother. They sit in the gap thats designed for the elderly and the crippled in the standard display of selfish procrastinating lazyarsed effortless behaviour that you now seem to expect from the tax swallowing handout dependent wasters that are the chav class. The mother opens a family bag of doritos, and proceeds to munch her way to an early grave, while satans fart stands on his seat and starts pressing the bell over and over...and over again.

This went on for about 10 minutes, and I could see everyone on the bus becoming restless as they all got closer and closer to a total nervous breakdown. And then, something incredible happened. Something so extraordinary, noone saw it coming... The mother actually did some parenting.

"IF YOU TOUCH THAT BELL ONE MORE FUCKING TIME WE'RE GOING HOME YOU LITTLE SHIT!" she bellowed menacingly at the perfectly described "little shit". The child immediatly stopped, looking shocked and upset but kept his hand near the button mostly for balance. And so, the perfect opportunity for vengeance had shown itself.

With a quick glance at the mother to make sure she wasn't looking at either me or the demon spawn, I reached up and rang the bell in quick succession. The mother glared at the child, his hand still over his button, and with wails of protest she picked him up, and marched off of the bus screaming at him that he was no longer going to the zoo.
( Furness, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 16:09, 11 replies)

I fucking
love this story.

I want it to win, because me laughing at it nearly cost me my job.
( Cawl, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 16:15, closed)

This Story
hasn't got old,

I love ruining Kids days too
(Katzilla Follow Me! @Kat_Zilla (I don't promise funnehs), Thu 17 Apr 2008, 16:18, closed)

I don't normally like pearoasts
But this one is fucking ingenious. I long for the day I can pull off a stunt like this.
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 16:20, closed)

^^
As a frequent user of public tranport, I can relate all too well. Wish I could be quick-witted enough to pull off such a glorious stunt.

Nicely done, Sir.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 16:24, closed)

A fantastic display of justly-deserved child cruelty.
I take my wig off to you, sir. :P
(ladyflash Formally known as "oshi_", Thu 17 Apr 2008, 16:26, closed)

prediction:
there will not be a better story than this

FTW
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 16:28, closed)

totally
joyous!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 16:28, closed)

OK
Now I'm willing to settle for 2nd place if this is what gets 1st.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 16:37, closed)

I remember this story!
Haha, and I love you all the more for reading it again. Nice work :)
(BlackCat, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 17:53, closed)

definitely worth a pea
i think i would have been too stunned by the fat chavette actually acting like a parent to react as quickly as you did.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 1:28, closed)

You do realise though
that in depriving said child from a trip to the zoo, that you may have unwittingly prevented it from pissing off the monkeys and lions so much that they rendered a severe mauling and removed it from the gene pool...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 18 Apr 2008, 10:22, closed)