Wild horses couldn't make my arse go thataway!
About 18 months ago I embarked on a short, sharp and very unwise relationship. She wasn't a bad person, perhaps not the most stable one, but then again I'm not a poster-boy for emotional cohesion. We were a terrible couple who had nothing in common, and once the initial rush had worn off we realised that we should not be making even the vaguest of long term plans together.

A couple of days before we split up we had one last futile attempt to rekindle some sort of spark. Talk about pissing in the wind, diverting an avalanche with a firm glance and a damp tissue would have been more likely.

Needless to say a bad relationship turned into a hideous breakup, and my ex no longer speaks to me except to send angry, hate filled replies to my emails; she doesn't even live in this country any more.

I wouldn't mind so much usually, but I really want to see my son.

Length - about two and a quarter minutes of loveless squelching.
(InfiniteMonkey, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 15:06, 8 replies)

Harsh deal
It's a hard thing mate, I'm in the same situation myself.

Is she denying you access? Or is access difficult because of distance etc? What country are you in? Single fathers do have rights too, they are just alot less and require alot more tooth and nail to get than the mothers do.

Feel free to Gaz me on this if you want any advice.
(oeb, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 15:13, closed)

blimey!
Blimey mate, those last 2 lines could have been written myself. I still struggle a little bit now. My lad lives in Australia and I'm in the UK. I've never met him and it breaks my heart. I get photos occasionly but only when she wants money.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 15:27, closed)

@Infinitymonkey and spikeypickle
Deadly serious offer - let me know if you want advice and/or help to remedy the situation you are in. I know the best people to be able to help you. Serious.

I'm in the same boat.
(Audax Victor, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 15:42, closed)

Remedying the situation
I'm really grateful for the offer, and will happily look into any option.

Way I figure it though is that although a court could (would?) grant me access, no force in the universe can make her well disposed toward me. She's seriously pissed and has already demonstrated a willingness to 'defend' herself through a smear campaign. Unless I can change her mind, part of me wonders if it's better for the little guy not to have to have two parents fighting a war of attrition over his head.

I'm convinced that he has every right to know his old man and decide for himself if I'm worth having around (I reckon I'd be a pretty good dad, myself), but that it would be far better for him to do that in a semi-normal environment.
(InfiniteMonkey, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 15:50, closed)

@IM
Well, in my eyes fella, the fact you're willing to take the heartache of not seeing him rather than putting him through any potential hurt and upheaval that may come through legal channels demonstrates that you certainly WOULD be a very good Dad.

My heart goes out to you and I hope that in the future you get the chance to prove ehat a good dad you would be.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 15:58, closed)

Balance
It's all a choice working out what the least worst solution is - because in this one, they're all bad, some badder than others. Damned if you do and damned if you don't, mate.
(Audax Victor, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 16:01, closed)

Amazing myself that I'm sharing this but
my ex accused me of child abuse to withhold access to my daughter. I got arrested (but not charged, I hasten to add). This was back in the early 90s, when child abuse fears were even greater than they are now.
So I went from seeing my daughter every fortnight for a long weekend, to not seeing her for some years.
Everything is fine - now. She's 20 and understands, to a point, what happened. Although there is still a part of her who is the child who wondered why her loving daddy disappeared.
All I can say is that almost every child wants to know who their parent is. My advice would be to all parents in this situation is remember that, God willing, you will have more of your life with your child when they are not a child, i.e. grown up. Yes, you may have missed their childhood through no fault of yours, and you can't get that back. But once they are old enough, you can have an independent relationship with them and show them that you always cared and always loved them. Forcing the issue to get access with a pyscho parent who will poison the child against you might not be the best option from the child's prospective - just makes them a casualty of war.
My heart goes out to all of you - but take courage from my tale, there can and hopefully will be happy endings to your stories.
( I_Was_Mordred, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 16:54, closed)

Some women should be given a good slap!
My mother had serious issues with my father leaving her with 3 kids under the age of 5 to go off with another women. However she never stopped us when we wanted to see him again a few years later.

The urge to seek out and bond with a father is very strong in kids and hopefully they will at some point convince the mothers to let them do so.

Good luck!
( girlinthehole, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 20:48, closed)