Precis: Long tale of drunken chatting up ends in a little win.
I should say here that I'm not exactly great with chatting up girls in pubs/bars/clubs. When a bit pissed I either treat girls I fancy like dirt (like a smitten 8 year old stealing his heart’s desire’s toys) or come on all over the top friendly / chatty and they think I’m gay. Luckily for me the future Madame ESP met me sober…

But this is a tale from before the days of monogamy, at a friend’s birthday drinks many summers ago. The girl… let’s call her RODA. She was half Persian half English so had a delightful tan and rather a pretty face as well. I kept accidentally staring down her top, due to the excessive cleavage on display. All in all, a perfect drunken target. We got talking and she didn’t think I was gay. I didn’t insult her heritage, gender, religion or dress sense. It was all going well until I realised she was fucking boring and dull as grey paint. Still, after five or six pints I wasn’t going to throw away my groundwork on a minor issue… I was going to get laid!

RODA and I went with the pack of revellers to a really scummy club where the music was thankfully too loud for conversation. RODA decided that this was a good excuse to stick her tongue down my throat and I agreed wholeheartedly. We danced to Bon Jovi and other masters of cheese and after a couple of hours I did that universal ‘let’s go have sex’ gesture by tilting my head at the door and looking suggestive. RODA agreed it was time to go. I was getting laid, for sure!

We walked back to mine, which goes past a little riverside park, and RODA decided she wanted to see the river. We sat on a little bench, staring out at the Thames, and of course things happened. Clothes start getting shed and all was going swimmingly (by that I mean I hadn’t drunk myself flaccid, and also I was about to get alfresco sex) when she brings up her religion. She’d mentioned that she was a member of a Persian faith with some odd beliefs. She waits until this exact semi-undressed moment to tell me that she can’t have sex before marriage. I wanted to cry. The awesome self control I’d exerted in not acting like a bellend; the dancing, the jokes; the not telling her she was dimmer than an energy saving light bulb were all for nothing.

I’d frozen mid-grope and was deciding how best to abandon her at the nearest bus stop when she told me something I’ll never forget:

“Oh, it’s ok, I’m still allowed to do anal.”

I think that counts as a little victory.
(ElectricSexPants would like to be the Sultan of something, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:20, 26 replies)

This really happened.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:25, closed)

If I end up in the archive I'm going to complain.
And it actually did. I don't QOTW often but every story is true, usually to my detriment.
(ElectricSexPants would like to be the Sultan of something, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:33, closed)

I'd hate to be AB
You're just so frustrated with life.
(brutal stack Raided the beeves of Apollo on, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:43, closed)

You know, just because it doesn't happen to YOU doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:55, closed)

You'd be surprised Badger. There's people doing all sorts all the time.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 11 Feb 2011, 17:13, closed)

Yes.
In porn films.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 18:28, closed)

And in real life as well.
I've had much more startling things happen than this. I just choose to keep them to myself lest people start frothing in righteous indignation and start moaning about Lies On The Internet and pandering and whatnot.

Can't possibly imagine why they never happen to YOU though...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 11 Feb 2011, 19:36, closed)

[condescension]
[smug remark]
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 23:54, closed)

condescension

(TheJacksonSixth, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 0:34, closed)

condescension

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 0:56, closed)

condensation

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Sun 13 Feb 2011, 12:26, closed)

Have you had an accident at work? Or trip or fall anywhere?
You could be entitled to condensation.
( eXOBeX, Sun 13 Feb 2011, 22:42, closed)

[similar condescension and smug remark from sock-puppet account]

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 23:56, closed)

[smug]

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 0:05, closed)

[smuuuuuuuuuuug]

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 0:05, closed)

Oh look, this post has loads of replies! I must get my hand in as well.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 0:06, closed)

Don't see why not
I knew several hard core evangelical type American lasses that would not let you enter their holiest of holes, but every other orifice was readily used, on one occasion two at the same time by two different parties.

And I don't mean Parties in the legal sense.
( Laird Dave Draws Now charges to take off his clothes., Sat 12 Feb 2011, 21:08, closed)

A winning click!

( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:42, closed)

I could beleive this
because a mate of mine had a similar experience with a Turkish girl, I won't say what faith just in case ;)
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 15:26, closed)

I don't even remember what faith it was
She said it was similar to Islam but not Islam, and came from the ancient Persian nation. It was one of the only interesting things she said...

Edit: Wikipedia says Zoroastrianism...
(ElectricSexPants would like to be the Sultan of something, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 15:29, closed)

I think the Turks
have about 7 different types of you know what and she was from one of the moderate ones...Luckily for him, or not, he was a sweaty virgin and the very idea terrified him...haha!!
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 16:27, closed)

If I recall correctly
Zoroastrianism is the world's seventh or eighth biggest religion (in terms of adherents), so it's not particularly obscure. Although you wouldn't have known that at the time.

(She said she was allowed to do anal, but you didn't say if you actually consummated the deed...)
( Sonic the Hedgetrimmer doesn't care what you think, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:19, closed)

Up until my story ended it hadn't degenerated into an actual porn film
I was hoping to avoid the high pitched yelping of the unbelievers. (which failed)

I could add that I got my brown wings that night, four and a half times, and she was one of those who enjoyed talking dirty mid-shag. It would be true, but sound far too much like BOASTING ON THE INTERNET. (which it would be)
(ElectricSexPants would like to be the Sultan of something, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:07, closed)

So,was it her religion?
Or was there "Something* about RODA"?

*like a penis, perhaps.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 18:45, closed)

Yep, ladyboy
I second this, I reckon 'Roda' was 'Rod' with a rod
(ceeej, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 20:26, closed)

RODA
Religious, Only Does Anal. I know, terrible acronym.
(ElectricSexPants would like to be the Sultan of something, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 22:51, closed)

So not because
you rode 'er?
( eXOBeX, Sun 13 Feb 2011, 22:43, closed)

you picked up on that subtle double entendre? ;)

(ElectricSexPants would like to be the Sultan of something, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 12:09, closed)

I thought she was an actress

( Dervel OTBC, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:53, closed)

There was a post once
Where the chick gave him first date bathroom anal

Jesus
(lemonadegame, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 3:53, closed)