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This is a question Lurid Work Stories

"I know a railwayman of 40-odd years' service," says Juan Quar, "and he tells me a new gruesome yarn each time we meet. Last week's was of checking the time on the wristwatch of a severed arm he'd just collected after a track fatality."

Tell us the horrible stories you tease the new hires with, or that you've been told.
NB By definition, these are probably all made up. Roll with it

(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Thu 5 Sep 2013, 17:33)
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To be fair, if I was a southerner I'd probably jump in front of a train too.
I can't think of much worse.
(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 19:47, 1 reply)
The advantage of train suicides down south is that so many of the dosy cunts spend four hours a day on the train
so holding up a line is almost guaranteed to drive another four or five people to top themselves.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 19:55, closed)
But then there'd be nothing coming to jump in front of :(
Also: www.ipswichstar.co.uk/news/ipswich_attention_seeking_tourist_who_sparked_seven_hour_train_delay_at_a_cost_of_1m_is_jailed_for_16_months_1_2366928
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:02, closed)
Bit optimistic publishing a newspaper in a town with 100% illiteracy.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:04, closed)
I thinks it's mostly pictures of turnips
and sheep anuses.
(I helped save b3ta! @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 9:50, closed)
They should have just shot the cunt down.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:04, closed)
He went on holiday to Ipswich ... that's clearly more than a cry for help.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:11, closed)
shush it, you.
ippo is grea....no, i can't do it. it's a town full of inbreds and thickos.
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 20:47, closed)
Not too many prostitutes these days, though.

(McChinaman banned, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:30, closed)
that was our only selling point :(

(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:34, closed)
that, and the fact that Cardinal Thomas Wolsey was born there 500-odd years ago
/former resident
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 21:59, closed)
the gert fat fucker.
the waterfront is starting to look proper nice now. shame about norwich road. /current resident. well, one of the posh estates on the outskirts..
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 22:07, closed)
by "posh" do you mean "somewhere you're less likely to get your head kicked in if you can read and write"

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 22:26, closed)
well, yes.
yes i do.
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 23:08, closed)
About seventy 'massage parlours', though

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 11:48, closed)

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