Basturd dentists & painful surgeries...
Last year I was around a friends for a BBQ discussing the finer parts of something we'd seen on Tv with (several) glasses of vodka when I felt something in my jaw go "pop", thinking nothing of it we then had another bottle (and several more after that) of vodka and got completely stonkered.

However, waking up the next morning and feeling like someone has opened the portal to Hades in one of your teeth is not an enjoyable sensation. Que lots, and lots and LOTS of ice packs and drugs... Fast forward two days later and my flatmates bundle me into a taxi making it clear that drawing blood from clenching your teeth together (trapping cheek & gum!) is not healthy and I get on some lovely, lovely co-codamol...

Booked an appointment with my dentist, got an emergency appointment as exam shows that I have a particularly nasty infection in my upper molar, they said we can do it quickly but painfully or slowly but will cost more. So? Quick and painful!

Dear fucking Christ was a mistake that was.

I never realised that when the rear molars were decayed, as mine were, they go as soft as toffee. I never realised that although soft as toffee molars still require some manevouring to get them out.

I also never bloody realised that without proper painkillers due to the co-codamol I'd been freely taking I'd be able to feel every erg of pain as she broke my tooth into two with a great big fuck off mallet (well, tiny one in hindsight...) and THEN position herself to pull them out. Not just by the side of me no...

First side comes out ok due to the decay, however the second? The second part gets stuck... Which means I then get this crazy dentist straddling me, putting one knee on my chest and manually rotating this fucking molar out! Just imagine trying to rotate a rubix cube with a blasted pair of plyers...

I swear, at this point I was sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish market. Panicking doesn't even come close to the sensation I was feeling and I actually lost half a nail on the side of the chair when she jerked out the molar with a flourish (and a small jet of blood!) and proceeded to show me the blood soaked remains while I cower in fear of this crazy women who has left bruises on my sternum where the force of her knee has pressed into me.

The next two days were a complete and utter daze as I take virtually every and any drug I can to dull the pain of that memory cowering in the torture chair... To top it off the antibotics mixed with the morphine I had been prescribed turned a very painful (and significant birthday, my 25th!) into a time of pure bliss as liquid light flooded my limbs...

Dentists, might be a requirement but fuck me. I hate them at times.
(Helo, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 0:17, 2 replies)

Ouch. I felt that
I went through something like that.

My teeth were fucked through lovely booze and chemicals that make you grind your teeth constantly. I got all the little bastards ripped out of my skull in two visits to my dentist.

Soft as taffy like your tooth they were and he had to slice my gums open in several places to aid extraction whilst the nurse held me firmly by my head to stop my jaw from breaking. ):

The upside to this is I can now take out my teeth and gurn like Susan Boyle on E.

Have a click my friend, I feel your pain.

This story is excellently told and should be at the top of the table.
(Helmut McBucket invites you to pull his finger on, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 1:00, closed)

sweating
like a blind lesbian in a fish market - gets my friday click :)
( bland is bland, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 8:26, closed)