Rap Attack
There was an unspoken comraderie at university that was equal parts heart-warming and blood-curdlingly infuriating. The 'Indian Massive'. As a mixed-race (or 'dual-heritage' to be ultra PC) English-Indian I straight away acquired a large group of friends through one of my Indian housemates, who all seemed to refer to me as 'blood'. It was rather difficult, in fact to know who anyone actually was, largely because everyone called everyone else 'blood' or 'bruv'. Confusing monikers aside, it was nice to be accepted into a group of people based purely on your heritage (I grew up in a very white area, so seeing so many brown people in one place anywhere outside of my house was a revelation), kind of like reverse racism.

I digress. It was through this group of respectable pharmacy and medical students (what else?) that I met Sav's brother. Sav has informed us that his brother was a 'baaaaaaad martial artist bruv' (in this case, 'baaaaaaad' meaning very, very good) as well as an established 'rap battler'. In the stlye of eminem in the green-filtered and seemingly gramatically incorrectly-titled 8 mile, this gentleman would participate in verbal bouts of musical melee on stage.

Immediately, I disliked him.

When I actually met him one night, Sav came over to me and 2 friends and gestured to the white shell-suited, fully-blinged skinny Indian wearing sunglasses at 10 in the evening standing 10 feet away, resolutely not looking in our direction. "This is my bruv, bruvs'.

I wish, I WISH, that there was some way that I could get down in writing here what happened next. Sav's brother approached my friend Steve, and proceeded to introduce himself via the medium of rap. However, it was less of an introduction, and more of a verbal tirade, waving his gold-ringed fingers in Steve's face with his hands in a 'West-side' position, it was simply staggering to see. The only line I can remember is 'You're a child molester, from Leicester'. Steve is not a peadophile, and he is from Hertfordshire, but there was no way this man could have known anything about any of us. He just rapped insults at us for a good 2 or 3 minutes while we stared on in stunned silence. When he was done, he turned his back and continued to stare at a nearby bush or something.

What manner of human would do such a thing? Everything about him is offensive, I hope a rival wordsman raps him into a humble life of polite greetings and low self-esteem.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 15:24, 14 replies)

Dual-heritage?
Surely everyone has that. One from your dad and one from your mum.
( Bob Todd whee, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 15:26, closed)

True
A teacher I met in Thailand mentioned it to me once and I found it ridiculously PC. I never had a problem with half-cast, I never took it as people implying I was less than a whole person. But you can't say that anymore, apparently.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 15:32, closed)

Funny thing is though, since this incident, Steve has moved to Leicester and has been arrested for fiddling with minors.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 15:32, closed)

Car questions have closed now.
.. oh, wait. I see.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 15:40, closed)

I actually chuckled mildly at this.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 15:43, closed)

More than I could have hoped for
and much more than I deserved!
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 15:50, closed)

Is your heart all a-flutter now?

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 16:05, closed)

Ace.
A lad I worked with genuinely went out with a girl named Hester who came from Leicester and drove a Fiesta.
Perhaps he could do battle with Sav's bruv.
(Cave Duck, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 16:04, closed)

I don't get it
Were they Indian, chavs or pikies?
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 16:04, closed)

All of the above
plus a quarter "Mer-man".
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 16:13, closed)

What's the difference between chavs and pikeys?

( Bob Todd whee, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 16:53, closed)

Caravans
(Crayola Oblongata Is it Monday?, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 17:12, closed)

Chavs are pikey wannabies
without the gypsie mystique.

It's a little like the difference between emos and goths.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 20:48, closed)

+10 Charisma :)

( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 21:18, closed)