Ah, PE...
Going to an all girl's Catholic school made it mandatory that we were 'taught' PE by an ancient sadist who may or may not have once been a woman. We called her Adolfa, and she retaliated by hating each and every one of us with a venomous passion which was somewhat akin with how Nick Griffin views non-indigenous Anglo Saxons. Or how non-indigenous Anglo Saxons feel about Nick Griffin. Or how everyone feels about Nick Griffin.

As was Adolfa's wont, all PE was done outside, unless there was ACTUAL SNOW on the ground. Our PE kit consisted of an Aertex polo shirt and a gym skirt. That was it. Trackie bottoms or even shorts were verboten. So all we did was play tennis, hockey, netball or rounders. In arse-biting cold and rain.

The school had, for some unfathomable reason, installed a full-size swimming pool about a year after I arrived. This was never used, as the only time they tried it, 29 out of 30 girls in every class had their period every week for two months. Smart.

PE sick notes had the same kind of street value as a medium sized shipment of heroin. The girls who had more 'grown-up' handwriting would rake it in every week, often charging the extortionate price of TWO cigarettes or a whole bag of Maltesers for one (you may now be able to see why we hated doing PE, given that all we did was smoke and eat chocolate).

The best times I had doing PE were when we played rounders (although I am quite adept at whacking an enemy in the ankles with a hockey stick. If provoked. And holding a hockey stick). Upon the announcement that we would be playing rounders, before the teams had even been picked, at least ten of those too unfortunate to have a sick-note, and even those who did, would immediately shout "DEEP FIELD!", and leg it up to the top of the hill next to the rounders field, which was covered with long grass, and listen to music and smoke until it was time to come in (I do now see the irony of us RUNNING up the hill, but we didn't want to stick around long enough for Adolfa to thwart our plans. I suspect that Adolfa reasoned - as much as a PE teacher can do so - that at least we had done some exercise). In addition to the smoking opportunities afforded us by the camouflage of the long grass at the top of the hill, it was also the perfect vantage point from which to perv at the lads from the posh all boy's school doing PE.

In all my years at that school, not one person ever hit the rounders ball even half-way towards where all the deep fielders sat. It was at least 150 yards away.

It does say something to their tenacity that they didn't just scrap the whole ridiculous exercise and give us an extra lesson of SOMETHING USEFUL (for most of the girls, this would have been lessons in how to keep their legs shut - 60% of girls from my year had at least one child by the time they turned 20).
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 19 Nov 2009, 18:16, 5 replies)

I like this :D

( Kyazrael Juan, two, three, floor?, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 20:20, closed)

I stopped reading after "all girl's Catholic school"
and then filled in the rest of the story myself. I might go blind.
(rogers nelson is the unexpected item in your bagging area, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 20:44, closed)

Forgive me if I'm over-generalizing the Catholic faith, but...
...if 60% of girls from your year had at least one child by the time they turned 20, doesn't that count as "job done"?
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 22:20, closed)

Good shout.
Can't really argue to be fair.

And a click for you, Bella.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 13:21, closed)

*click*
Notes to let you wear trainers in normal class were more prized than the PE ones in my school.
(mmmm curry doesn't really understand this sig lark, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 5:04, closed)