Ukrainian rozzers
I've never had any problems with the police in the UK, but managed to get in trouble several times with their Ukrainian brethren.

The funniest incident was getting arrested by two very young and embarassed policemen for having sex outside a club by the beach where my girlfriend and I had been celebrating our engagement. Dawn had risen while we were at it and we ended up in quite plain view of the passers by. Ah well. They actually used the 'What do you think you're doing?' line. I did consider a sarcastic response but didn't really feel as though I had the upper hand in the situation, being stark naked and having just emerged from the nether parts of the girlfriend. After locating our clothes among the bushes and recovering from the embarassment we bunged them $50 and they decided they hadn't seen anything after all.

I was walking down the street one evening with a couple of mates (also English) when a rusty old anonymous van driving in the other direction screeched to a halt. The occupants started shouting at us to stop but we kept our heads down and kept walking. Moments later, several obviously drunk blokes in civilian clothes had piled out of the van and grabbed us, closely followed by a policeman with a large gun which he proceeded (rather unfairly, I thought) to hit us with. They kept trying to push us into their van with the butt of the gun but we knew that once they get you to the station, you don't get out without paying a hefty 'fine' (not to mention losing a day of your life waiting for someone to come and vouch for you before you can be released). My mate had a couple of hundred dollars on him that he really didn't want to contribute to the off-duty coppers' vodka fund. We played dumb and pretended we couldn't speak any Russian while they asked us for our documents (which we were legally obliged to carry with us, but didn't have). Happy ending though as they eventually gave up and drove erratically away.

I was a member of the local Hash House Harriers and almost every run one or two of our members would get arrested for not having their passports on them. Where are you supposed to keep it when you're out running - up your arse?

The scariest incident was being arrested for carrying a canister of CS gas in my luggage when flying back to Blighty. I'd been given it by a friendly old lady who thought I might need it for protection and thought it would be a novelty item to hold on to. The game was up when they asked me to show them the 'deodorant' that they'd spotted on the x-ray machine. I got carted off to their office at the airport where they kept pushing me to pay a 'fine' (despite suspiciously not issuing any paperwork) but finally dropped it when realising I was leaving the country without a kopeck (or dollar) left in my wallet. Just made my plane with minutes to spare.

No apologies for length - you love it. Just like my girlfriend did on the beach.
( numberbruncher - correct by nature, Fri 23 Sep 2005, 19:16, Reply)