Mmmmm, smell the peas
A couple of mondays ago, me and my friend C (shes female and noticibly so) had been out for a wee bit of drinkage in the fine town of manchester (joshua brooks if your interested).
The early hours were upon us and after my dismal failure to pull this chunky lass and C having a massive argument with her mate, and we both decided to call it a night. So off we went to the bus stop and hopped on the first bus heading our way.
The bus eventually arrived and we hopped on. The bottom was fairly full so we headed up to the top, there were only us two sat at the front and three scabby looking guys at the back. About 30 seconds into the journey an unshaven mess appears at my shoulder and announces (in its best chavspeak) "You want any blow mate?"
I didnt, and informed him thus. He apparantly took objection to this and responded with this (stunning) bit of repartee: "Then give me all your fucking money"
Being in a rather inebriated state (and fairly convinced this bloke was a gnome) I just nodded and continued staring blankly at him. The threats continued for a few more moments and I eventually realised I was being mugged. Deciding I liked my face very un"slashed" I got out all my money (about 4 pounds in change) and duly handed it over.
About 3 minutes later (after an ignored attempt to steal my phone) the kindly gent retires back to his seat and starts cackling with his fellow man-gnomes. The bus pulls over a few seconds later and me and C decide to ge the hell outta there.
Man-gnome chooses this moment to look up and notices C, looks very confused and hurried up to me.
"Shit sorry mate, didnt realise you were with a girl."
Now its my turn to look confused (this may have showed in my expression) as manchavgnome proceeds to reach into his pocket and pulls out all his change and hands it to me.

Yes, thats right, I got a refund on a mugging.

Actually I made about 1.50 on the deal.

I think that makes me Jesus...

Apologies for length, it would be longer but im still confused.
(big king bob Lord of the Ska, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 2:08, 1 reply)

Disappointed
Why didnt you just punch the little garden gnome? God, I would have RELISHED having a go at his face, pre-emptively to his reaching for any cutting devices.

Fuckers. I have NO patience for those guys and while I may not be as hard as say, Chuck Norris (who is honestly?) I would have rolled the dice.

But you DID have a girl with you, so maybe avoiding the potential thrashing his mates would give you, followed by the potential, well, inappropriate acts, in this instance, discretion was most likely the better part of valour.

But I do not have your reserve mate.
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 3:29, closed)