:-(
I met the first girl I’ve actually liked in more than 2 years last weekend. She’s fit as fuck and proper cool. Spent Friday night together then went for breakfast and everything seemed absolutely brilliant.
We’ve been texting since then but I get the feeling that she’s not as keen as I am. Just asked her out for a drink about 10 minutes and there’s been no reply. I know its only 10 minutes and she’s at work and but Christ I feel sick and keep looking at my phone every 2 seconds.
I need to quit being a pathetic spa and pull myself together.
(BarryChuckle, Wed 28 May 2008, 16:34, 45 replies)

take deep breaths
and try to distract yourself.

Bloody difficult though, isn't it? I'm trying to not call the fecker who dumped me so brutally on Sunday. I even deleted his number from my phone before I got roaringly drunk. I've been tracing his online moves for the past half hour, though I drew the line at joining the forum he's on just to see his posts. Irony? I'm not remotely in love with him, but not having an explanation for his incredibly bizarre and vicious behaviour is driving me crazy.

Hope she gets back to you soon. Bloody modern communications; they make life hell.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 28 May 2008, 16:46, closed)

dont know what to say
but ive been here so many times....

its horrible.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Wed 28 May 2008, 16:46, closed)

what's worse
are those luddites who have a mobile phone but never have it with them or switched on.
*menaces*
You know who you are... :)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 28 May 2008, 16:48, closed)

Ms Crackhouse...
You're a very odd lady.
( Cawl, Wed 28 May 2008, 16:50, closed)

^ hehe
im one of those, i actually havent turned it on since january, i like my quiet time! (besides im either at home at work or dont want disturbing)
(pogo_it, Wed 28 May 2008, 16:52, closed)

^
it may need charging up
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Wed 28 May 2008, 16:54, closed)

Frustration!
I think we all know only too well how that feels.

"Did my 'phone just vibrate? What if she rings and I don't hear it?"

Keep calm, matey. PMA!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 28 May 2008, 16:55, closed)

Man up.
Quit being so pathetic. No one likes a needy person.
(Stevie Ruggling, Wed 28 May 2008, 16:57, closed)

Expecting instant replies to your texts
is a sure fire way to scare her off. Give her some space.
(lolwhites, Wed 28 May 2008, 16:59, closed)

@advice-giving guys
so how many days after being horribly, drunkenly dumped can I call him to end things on a more civil basis? Please don't say never as I was thinking more along the lines of one week...
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:03, closed)

trouble is if you act over keen and don't give her space
she will eventually quit you
(The Goat www.cuttingthroughthematrix.com, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:04, closed)

CHCB:
about a month.
(Belgaer is, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:05, closed)

^
bugger.
I am not the patient sort.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:05, closed)

How's...
*gets his fingers out... Monday, 1, Tuesday, 2, Wednesday, many*

How's many days sound?
(Belgaer is, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:07, closed)

'many' it is, then
unless I have a reason to contact him before that (um, emergency jumper repatriation; bad news from the STD clinic; accidentally throwing myself in front of his van until he explains himself)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:14, closed)

BarryChuckle
has she replied yet...?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:15, closed)

@CHCB
If your plan is to end things on a more civil basis; surely you only have to wait as long as you think you need to be as civil as you want to be...
( Moey, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:18, closed)

No, nothing yet.
I'm going to turn off my phone. Pretend to myself that she is most likley frantically trying to get back to me, and i'm going to the pub.
(BarryChuckle, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:19, closed)

@Gunter
I could be civil now, but he won't be... I was civil the whole way through the relentless verbal assault that left me crying like the girl I am. I think maybe my civility riled him more - he was spoiling for a fight.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:21, closed)

she's probably busy posting in this thread
and just trealised who you are
(The Goat www.cuttingthroughthematrix.com, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:21, closed)

CHCB
"I was civil the whole way through the relentless verbal assault that left me crying like the girl I am."

Then he deserves nothing but your contempt.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 28 May 2008, 17:27, closed)

@CHCB
Does he really deserve a civil ending then? Seems as though he's just an aggressive sort that wouldn't allow it anyway.

I'd go for 'many', as suggested above, but you might find he won't be civil either way.


EDIT: What PJM said.
( Moey, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:27, closed)

@crackers
Sod the pillock.

If he has no manners then no further consideration from you is required.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:30, closed)

you guys are cool
and he's a chump. He does have big problems though. I just want an explanation as to why he felt the need to channel them onto me.

Edit: such as text messages of sweetness and desire several hours before and a rant about me being evil later on. Oh, sure, it's got nothing to do with the copius amount of weed and booze... :)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:35, closed)

.
@BarryChuckle
Pull yourself together and be patient. She's probably got things she needs to be doing (you did say she was at work). Just a word of advice: girls can be put off by this overly needy behaviour - the line between flattery and creepiness is a very thin one. Don't send her another text unless you're absolutely certain she didn't get the first one.

@CHCB
I'd say about 5 or six days or possibly later - should give some time to cool off. If you know when he's most likely to be sober, that would be the best time to call him (IIRC, the break-up happened when he was drunk). You could say that if he tells you what was on his mind and you're satisfied with the explanation of his behaviour, you'd consider still being friends. From what little I know of him, he spent a whole day getting drunk, so assuming he has a job with regular work-hours, the best time to catch him would be just as soon as he gets home (assuming he isn’t going to the pub first). Weekends would be a bad time for this.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:36, closed)

@CHCB
Well, the guy sounds like a total cunt, but if you do still want to put the civil full-stop on the relationship (as opposed to just leaving it how it ended), then I guess you have to ask yourself how long do you think he needs to stop being a jerk.

If you think he won't stop being a jerk before you lose your patience, then save yourself the stress now and accept that he's a prime fuckhead.

The question then is whether or not your burning desire to end things civilly overrides his burning fuckheadedness.

Come to think of it, just burn him ;)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:37, closed)

Going by what you just said, Ms Crackhead,
"you guys are cool and he's a chump."

Go for a b3tard, you'd be better off.

On an unrelated note, any lovely single lady b3tards out there, I'm open to offers.
( Cawl, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:37, closed)

"A good many of us have problems..."
If he's used his issues as an excuse to reduce you to tears then what next?

Sorry if that sounds insensitive CHCB, I'm related to someone who has had their self esteem systematically eaten away by a ranting partner who refuses to take responsibility for the misery they inflict.

I wouldn't wish that upon anybody.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 28 May 2008, 17:38, closed)

well
this does a good bit to put things in perspective.

I think I just feel sorry for him (and also I hate the idea of being hated - as do most people).

Now, BarryChuckle, I hope you're in the pub and I hope she's called by now.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:41, closed)

@CHCB
You come across as being the sort of person who wants to get to the bottom of things. I'd advise you to make some attempt to ask him for an explanation for his behaviour. But make sure he's sober when you do so.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:43, closed)

A good friend of mine
has just been through something similar, and her attempts to find a civil conclusion were interpreted by "Captain cockless", as she eventually came to refer to him (hell hath no fury...), as an opportunity to further drag out the hurt he was inflicting on her.

One of the happiest people I know was reduced to a miserable wreck for a month because she insisted on pursuing a civil end to it all, when she should have just let it go.

You have to do what you feel is right, but shouldn't give him the chance to hurt you more than he has already.

*goes to pub*
( Moey, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:46, closed)

CHCB
If he's been acting like a git, and you've been really upset by his behaviour, then why contact him?

Let him contact you. If he's polite and cares enough to do so, then perhaps it's worth staying friends with him. If not, then you haven't wasted any of your phone bill trying to pursue a friendship that he's not that interested in preserving.

If he's not worth it, then certainly don't give him the self-satisfaction of knowing that you care about him more than he cares about you.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 28 May 2008, 17:59, closed)

it's not that I care about him
other than as a fellow human and he is mixed up. I wasn't in love with him, we were just having a lovely time and having fun. He ranted at me plenty about how he has never stayed friends with anyone he's slept with. I think that says more about him than me. Part of his attitude comes from the fact that I am very close to my ex (in a very, very, non-sexual way).

Anyway, I know he doesn't want to be friends with me, and that doesn't bother me, but for my peace of mind I want him to see me as a decent person, and one with whom he should have been nicer in his dealings. He switched so unexpectedly from sincere to scary, and I really want to get to the bottom of it so that I can walk away without obsessing.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 28 May 2008, 18:08, closed)

Ah! the joys of dating when your young.
I'd rather have my fingernails pulled out one by one than go back there.

When your my age you don't worry about things like this, you just come clean with your intentions and either it's a yes or a no. You don't worry about looking a fool or being too keen or not keen enough. Don't get me wrong, there's still a little frisson of excitement and uncertainty but nothing like when your younger.

CHCB - Try hard to let it go. I can understand your need to finish the relationship on your terms but sometimes it's just not possible due to the other person being a git.
( girlinthehole, Wed 28 May 2008, 18:18, closed)

Friends with exes.
A lass I was seeing last year (she of the arse-cream by proxy post) prides herself on being friends with all her exes.

To be honest, I found too little of merit in her character to want to develop a friendship, I'm happy not to change the status quo.

Sometimes it's not healthy to pursue a reason why things don't work out. Although I don't know you well personally, I've seen enough to figure that you're a decent human being who doesn't deserve to be reduced to tears by someone just because they feel like it.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 28 May 2008, 18:22, closed)

CHCB
I hope his name doesn't begin with a K ...sounds much like my ex...ie sounds a bit borderline PD. If that is the case you'll always be on a hiding to nothing and the best plan is to walk away and not try and find out what goes on in his head!
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Wed 28 May 2008, 20:24, closed)

BarryChuckle
that sucks, I've been there. why don't people just damn well call. this also applies to plumbers, fireplace fitters etc.

CHCB: I know where you are coming from. It's all very well everyone saying he's not worth it, but sometimes there are some things you really really have to know!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 May 2008, 21:16, closed)

Barry Chuckle
i did the exact same thing in your situation. Sent a message (saying I liked her), waited a couple of hours, and went down the pub, sans phone. Came back to a couple of messages and calls, one from her saying she liked me too - happy ending. Hope you have likewise.
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 28 May 2008, 21:51, closed)

Dear Barry
I hope you've heard back by now, but if for any reason you haven't then I'd be inclined to put it down to experience and move on...as hard as that sounds. If she's interested she'll be in touch, if not there's not much you can do about it.

@CHCB
Finding out why he treated you the way he did will satisfy your curiosity and maybe go some way to ensuring that he sees you as a decent human being.
But are you really, really sure that
a)you want to give him the chance (potentially) to be unpleasant to you again and
b)is his opinion of you that valuable?

I once dated a guy who was incredibly nice at first - the dream man in many respects. Soon though as I got to know him better he began to attempt to control and manipulate me by telling me how he thought I should conduct my life and then when I disagreed telling me I was clearly a loser. He ended up completely losing it with me in the middle of a busy street - long story which isn't really worth repeating but suffice to say I never contacted him again after that outburst.
No matter what I had done, I did not deserve that treatment. No one does.
I could have been in touch to find out why he'd behaved like that. I could have endeavoured to remain at least his friend...but I don't treat my friends the way he treated me. He didn't deserve to remain my friend.

I don't think your chap deserves to remain your friend either. Friends don't purposely reduce each other to tears for any other reason than laughter.

You're worth far more than that. Forget him and move on.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 28 May 2008, 23:23, closed)

rules
arent you supposed to wait like a day or something before accepting a date. or something. shes probly doing that.
(an_aminal, Thu 29 May 2008, 3:00, closed)

I've calmed down
She wrote back, I'm meeting her later tonight. Cloud nine stuff let me tell you.
Thanks you guys and i'm really not as pathetic as this post may seem.Honest.
(BarryChuckle, Thu 29 May 2008, 9:06, closed)

.
Top man

Have a *click*
(Kia Ora it's 2 orangey 4 crows, it's just 4 me and my dog, Thu 29 May 2008, 9:09, closed)

fuckers
it happened to me last week. bloody cock tease. was smitten on the fucker for over a year and a half and she was game. finally plucked up the brass balls to ask her out and she was game! the world became a lovely rose tinted colour for a couple of weeks. we did lunch. i helped her with uni work. got on with all her mates.

then ..... ..nothing. cold shoulder. cnut.

fucking birds. they don't make any sense and wreck your head!

the gays have it so much easier
(babyjak, Thu 29 May 2008, 9:43, closed)

Hehe
I was having the exact same crisis for about 10mins yesterday afternoon. Good to know there's someone out there as pathetic as me!
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 29 May 2008, 11:08, closed)

do we all get to buy hats
if you get hitched?
(magictorch, Thu 29 May 2008, 12:02, closed)