Why school halls should never have PA systems
School assemblies for us were relatively uneventful and uninteresting. Occasionally we would have a guest speaker from the local diocese come in and talk about something or other which none of us took real interest in (Except for the modern ideals vicar, who came in with a rope and a bowie knife and tied a Year 7 kid into a chair, only to cut him free in a demonstration of trust - he wasn't allowed back. Possibly for the lack of ritual slaughter of a virgin to appease the masses.)

One day, a very straight-laced vicar came in to talk to us about God and life etc. The talk he gave us was an attempt at humour and this was of course met with 800 stony faces. End of talk. Start of daily announcements about what lunchtime activities there were. Today there was going to be a reggae class in one of the English rooms at 1-

Cue sudden arrival over the speakers of sounds of ukelele and a man singing a very George Formby-esque style song and much mirth from all concerned. Even the Head in his bald majesty had a chuckle. And there was a polite ripple of applause.

Hahaha all very funny yes yes, calm down now chaps. Cue calming silence followed by the immortal blasting out of the chorus from the speakers:

"I'M A WANKER! I'M A WANKER! AND IT DOES ME GOOD LIKE IT BLOODY WELL SHOULD! I'M A WANKER! I'M A WANKER AND I'M ALWAYS PULLING MY PUD!"

What then followed was a mixture of horror from those on our stage, and explosion of laughing from everyone on the hall floor. Not many ever noticed the almost inaudible click from the sound system as our mystery assailants had loaded up Ivor Biggun's Winker's Song to play at the end of the assembly. To the credit of the staff, no mention of this incident was ever made again. All I will remember was the looks exchanged between the teachers roaring with laughter and the head who was desperately attempting to maintain dignity infront of one of God's representatives on earth.

tl:dr Wanker
(mediumpete and his frozen cheese collection wrote this, Mon 17 Jun 2013, 18:35, 3 replies)

I found this very silly, have a click

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 17 Jun 2013, 21:44, closed)

First time I'd heard that song properly too
And not the crappy half done version on Men Behaving Badly.
(mediumpete and his frozen cheese collection wrote this, Mon 17 Jun 2013, 22:39, closed)

For all those who will no doubt want to hear
Because you are a wanker too. Yes you are and you know it.
(mediumpete and his frozen cheese collection wrote this, Mon 17 Jun 2013, 22:42, closed)