Remembered another one...sorry...
I'm a teacher. Don't hate me. Sat with my mate the school librarian eating our sandwiches keeping an eye on the empty library through the one way glass window. Small boy aged about 11 enters the library, furtively looks around, unzips his fly and proceeds to walk along the rows of books wiping his penis along the spines. Zips up, throws rucksack over shoulder and is gone before I have chance to put down my pasty and apprehend him.
(DubstepBetty Down wiv der kids since 1972, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 1:52, 10 replies)

I had the same form from year 7 to year 11. At the beginning of EVERY school year those bastards hid a banana somewhere in my room. This was only confessed to me when I bumped into one of them out shopping. They're all in their early 30s now. FIVE YEARS I HAD A SMELLY CLASSROOM YOU GITS!
(DubstepBetty Down wiv der kids since 1972, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 1:55, closed)

Same lot..made a 'bomb'..plastic tub with battery taped to top, cartoon 'bomb' wires and note stuck on "this is a bomb". Deputy head calls bomb squad as on his desk. Robot thingy sent in, soldiers get 'bomb' realise it is REALLY SHIT pretend bomb, piss selves laughing and make deputy head look a bell end. Week later, exact same thing. Deputy picks up 'bomb' and lobs in bin which promptly bursts into flames,lights the curtains, setting off all the sprinklers and disrupting a GCSE Maths exam.
(DubstepBetty Down wiv der kids since 1972, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 2:07, closed)

I'll stop now. I actually love teaching. Teenagers make me laugh everyday unlike the boring buggers in the staffroom.
(DubstepBetty Down wiv der kids since 1972, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 2:08, closed)

Proper last one. Classroom door flies open and hysterical new French student stood there "eeee fell from ze window! I turn my back and he fall!" I go next door to investigate. Lean out of the 4th floor window to see a twisted corpse splayed on the playground. I get a big sheet of card, make a 'megaphone' and shout "Campbell get your arse back up here and stop pratting about" .Dead child is reanimated. French student did actually soil self with fear.
(DubstepBetty Down wiv der kids since 1972, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 2:28, closed)

This is so perfect. But I do feel wrong in laughing at the bomb in the bin.

(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 5:34, closed)

Hmmm
I've seen this in a film, can't remember which though
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 7:27, closed)

Isn't it also a Simpsons gag?
I'm not saying it didn't happen, but I have seen it somewhere else too.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 8:36, closed)

It was in Dirk Gently.
That was the most recent one I can remember.
( Mr.Ons knows you can hear him, Earthmen., Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:18, closed)

Squid and The Whale?
( awayfromthenumbers, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 12:15, closed)

It happened! Honest! They sent a little robot thingy to take it away and everything. I'd post a link to a report on it n the paper but I still work there.
(DubstepBetty Down wiv der kids since 1972, Sun 11 Sep 2011, 16:51, closed)