Clearly not rape.
And as for violent? Surely if it's anything it's passive agressive rather than violent. Easy revenge rather than a hunt for women to hurt. To honestly compare what you did to rape is madness, and while the person who sent the message has issues that I don't want to belittle, the reaction in itself seems a bit disrespectful to victims of actual violent rape to me.

Yes it was childish and clearly painful but has the person who sent the pm made the assumption that physical pain trumps emotional pain? An odd assumption for a rape victim when many such victims pinpoint the domination and curtailing of free will and choice being the more painful and terrifying thing about rape. Its the emotional elements that linger, not the physical.

AND....Basic Sex Toy hygiene! Why didn't they give them a quick wipe down after moving from one partner to another? Not saying people should keep toys under lock and key to stop a chilli attack but surely a good deep cleaning when moving partners is sensible. If anything the cheating ex sounds like the reckless one, reckless with their own and your sexual health.

Hmmm. I rambled a bit. Basically, go Kiss.Me.Where.I.Poo!
(Peljammy Watching Godzilla, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 23:03, 1 reply)

good point...
the fact is that every time I've been with a girl who used toys, they'd give them a wipe even if they'd been in a drawer for a week or so - no-one wants old fanny batter up their chuff, after all.

I've got zero sympathy for the cheating girl, to be blunt.
(Chad, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 23:12, closed)

Soooo,
What you're suggesting is that, because she's "dirty", she "asked for it"?
(Slyph, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 0:38, closed)

in a way...
yes, in that she hurt her boyfriend and it was foolish to think that anyone would take such actions with a pinch of salt and a "well, I should just understand and accept it". That is a naive and idiotic viewpoint.

She was in the wrong to do what she did, but I don't think that the chilli was necessarily the right thing to do - I just think that it is ridiculous to think it's horrible for a guy to exact some petty revenge on his cheating missus, when everyone would find it ok if a girl did it to a cheating guy. (the cup of tea/tampon trick, etc, that everyone found hilarious).

The fact is that some psychologically damaged individual has accused the wronged boyfriend who had been hurt very badly and reacted in a petty childish manner (by his own admission) of being a rapist and somehow evil and a bunch of do-gooders jumped on the bandwagon. Am I the only one who sees this as somewhat hypocritical when no-one jumped on the bandwagon to condemn the "I go revenge on my ex-boyfriend" stories?
(Chad, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 1:16, closed)

again,
who is saying that 'everyone would find it ok if a girl did it to a cheating guy?'

Exactly. No-one. It wouldn't be OK. It wasn't OK when that girl went on about deliberately breaking her boyfriend's leg either on a previous QOTW, and if I'd seen it in time I'd have said something to that effect. You've obviously concocted some caricature of a militant proto-feminist group 'whooping and hollering' when one of the sisterhood gets revenge on the evil patriarchal conspiracy, but once again, no-one is saying that.
(jennymnemonic, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:07, closed)

really?
The fact is that we have had posts on the revenge QoTW threads where women have done cruel things to men, but I didn't notice a huge backlash at them for it (again, the tampon-in-the-tea story from last week, rings true here), whereas the minute a guy has admitted to doing something he himself admits was childish and irresponsible in an act of retaliation at being treated horribly by a partner, he is tarred with the same brush as Hitler and Josef Fritzl.

Also, the fact that we have had women on here who have a) been attacked and, b) read KMWIP's story and they haven't jumped on the hate bandwagon, tells me that maybe they are being fairer when they say "yes it was stupid and probably wrong, but it made me laugh". But no, we are drowned out by the bunny-boilers and the Emos looking for the moral high-ground.

I'm married. My wife was in an abusive relationship before we met, so I think I know how to be sensitive to upset women who have been vulnerable, yet if I dare question the mental balance of some of these arguments being thrown around on here, I am accused of being a misogynist. The truth is that most of the people throwing the accusations around are either too young to really understand what a relationship actually means, or what life is about, or they are just jumping on the moral bandwagon, as the fact is there is no factual basis for most of the vitriolic statements made and no answers have been given for direct hypocritical examples that I and others have given.
(Chad, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 16:17, closed)

seems to me
you're the one bringing the vitriol to this discussion. Nowhere have I condemned men in general, cos I don't deal with stupid generalisations, or (how many times do I have to say this before you twig) suggested I was in support of women taking revenge against men. Naturally that would be hypocritical.

I didn't even say I objected to KMWIP's original post, because I didn't. The reason I was moved to comment on this thread was that I felt it was being unfair on women in general and on the replier in particular. Just trying to bring a bit of balance to the discussion, as belms kindly noticed. If that makes me a 'do-gooder', well, I'm happy to say that I have the courage of my convictions, just as you clearly do. But at least I do people the courtesy of reading their replies properly, rather than through the filter of my own frantic over-wrought notions.

And by the way - it's very easy to trample over the argument of someone you disagree with by yelling 'PC' at them a la Daily Mail, but it's a pretty weak manoeuvre, and it certainly ain't accurate.
(jennymnemonic, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 17:56, closed)

Surely
the women who made posts about harming ex-bfs might have had the same backlash, but they didn't post their PMs on the qotw?

Not that I'm saying KMWIP was that wrong in what he did, nor that he was wrong in posting the response, but I think you're eager to see a double standard here.
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 18:01, closed)

A physical assault
Especially a sexuallised physical assault, no matter in what passive-agressive, roundabout way it was performed is not an appropriate response to being cheated on, in fact, it's a psychotic thing to do. I don't think people should be prosecuted for cheating, I think people should be prosecuted for assault.

You made this about gender. If this was something that had happened between a gay couple i'd still be totally against it.
(Slyph, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 10:20, closed)

So by your definition
a "Do-Gooder" is somebody who doesn't assault people?
(Slyph, Tue 30 Sep 2008, 13:28, closed)