This is a hard one.
So what do I miss most of all? The single item that is missing?

The feeling that my parents will be there for me for the rest of my life.

So far I’ve had to stop typing 3 times so far because of the tears. It hits like a fucking stone. That feeling. If it hasn’t happened to you yet, you won’t know until it does. You may be really unlucky in that you won’t get that feeling, that your parents didn’t love you enough, or for whatever reason you didn’t love them.

6 times.

But if you’re lucky, like me, you’ve had an upbringing that wasn’t perfect, but you knew that your Mum and Dad would be there with you forever and ever.

10 times. I must be pissed.

But then a thief takes that feeling away. In my dad’s case it was cancer. After my Gran had had a stroke on Christmas Eve, the last day my father walked was at her funeral. Her funeral was on the 2nd of January. Dad died in May. We tried to keep a brave face throughout those months but we knew it was coming. My mum had lost her own mother and father in less than a year, and now her husband was terminally ill. For her it was horrific, for her children, tragic.

I felt angry. What the fuck was that about? (I had lived with Gran and Grandad), and then my parents had moved into our house. Mum? Why was this happening? Are you going to just fuck off and leave us as well? I was really angry at my mother, and didn’t really understand what she was going through. For about 3 years it felt like our family was falling apart. I didn’t help, that anger was always there.

Shit. About 18 or 19 times now.

The single biggest piece of growing up I’ve ever had to do is to realize that the people I love will no longer be there. I can’t change that. But there is one thing I can change.

Every time I speak to Mum now I tell her I love her. I might be angry at something, even at her. I might be at her house, or I might be on the phone. But I’ll tell her that I love her. Because this might be the last time that I ever speak to her. I might never get the

Fuck. Had to stop typing big time then.

I might never get the chance again.

Stop what you’re doing.

Do what I’m going to do now.
Pick up the phone and ring the person who matters most in your life and tell you that you love them.

To my Granddad, Gran, and Dad, I’m sorry I didn’t say it to you at the time.

I love you.

Mum, I still do.
( Occulus Swallowed, instead of spat, on, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 0:55, 10 replies)

Sometimes
I hate it when someone does a serious post, but I liked that. I can't phone my mum and dad though, they're on holiday!
(europe-who, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 1:01, closed)

Pull Yourself Together
and grow a backbone!

/gets off phone to mum
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 2:10, closed)

I know the feeling.
I lost my sis nearly 3 years ago, it was hard going. I am dealing with it. However the first time it really felt real was when my mum was being her usual self and i thought "I will text sis and share. She will find this funny" then i realised i couldn't. That was a... suspended from reality feeling.
(StyX is staring at you, yes YOU!!!, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 3:11, closed)

I lost my mum last year.
One of the hardest things I've ever gone through. I remember standing at the window of her room in hospital, trying to hold myself together for her sake just in case she somehow knew I was there. As she groaned in pain with every breath, I looked at the sky and prayed for her suffering to end. She died that evening. Cancer is just horrific.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 3:34, closed)

It's definitely a character-building experience
I had to go through it four years ago with my mum. I think the best advice I can offer is "never part company on bad terms".

No matter how much you have to bite your tongue or swallow your pride... be the bigger man (or woman) and apologise, give the other person a hug, then you can walk away.

It sounds like you're still hurting a lot from your own experience, but I think you're going about it the right way. Hang in there :-)
( chart cat has an itch, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 8:09, closed)

2006 was a bad year for me
Lost my dad to leukemia (after a 12 year fight), then my big sis 3 months later to cancer.

That was the hardest time I've ever been through and I'm glad my mates were there for me - letting my mum see me falling apart wouldn't have helped her at all.

June this year my mate died in Ireland - 26 years old - I'd spoken to him only hours before he drowned from Wembley (Foo Fighter's gig) to tell him I'd managed to dig up a small piece of the turf. His last words to me?

"It's not the old hallowed turf though, is it son?"

That square of turf is going on his grave - Lee, you were a pisshead and talked bollocks - but you were my mate. RIP.

You're absolutely right - tell your nearest and dearest you love them, you never know what's around the corner...

*dries eyes*
( snee held his breath since, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 8:36, closed)

Woof
I actually have bloody tears in my eyes.

Git ;-)
(dchurch bah, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 9:49, closed)

what he say is true
Lost my Dad to cancer but it took a while so I got a chance to talk to him and when he died felt bad but also happy for him to be free of pain , my mother died of a sudden heart attack three months later , during those three months I had been looking after her but still regret not taking the chance to tell her all the stuff I would have said if I'd known there was so little time left .
(happyjoy last changed sig on, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 9:56, closed)

*wells up*
*clicks*
(Kinabe is considering a new tattoo, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 12:26, closed)

that seems familiar
Last year my Grandad passed away. He'd made it to 86 and was just brilliant. Love(d) him to bits. Tore me up completely.

It hit me then that my folks weren't going to be around forever.

This year, my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer.

So yeah, that feeling, I miss it a lot.
(stapleface, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:16, closed)