Halloween
Timely, so probably bindun, but who else makes absolutely sure on 31st October that they are either a) out or b) hiding upstairs with all the lights turned off? All evening?

I wouldn't mind so much if it was all cute little kiddywinks all dressed up, but when it's gangs of hooded 13-year-olds ambling around the neighbourhood going "trickurtree"... fuck off.

My ex gave some of the latter variety a handful of fags once. They were well pleased.
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:30, 28 replies)

Haha!
A certain member of b3ta gave a six or seven-year-old boy a cigarette when some kids came to the pub we were drinking in...
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:32, closed)

I've had to be stopped before
We had a bowl of assorted chocolate and sweets, so I decided to slip some chocolate laxatives in.

My Dad thought this was quite funny, but changed his mind at the last moment, and made me go through the sweets one by one, removing the offending sweets.

Note to all, when handling chocolate laxatives, if they melt, don't lick your fingers!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:45, closed)

hehe
I once prepared a big bowl of indian tamarind sweets for all the little kiddies.

They all had the last laugh however as quite a few of them left vomit on my drive.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:45, closed)

Even better
give the obnoxious ones boullion cubes. They're wrapped in bright foil and look like candy, and will give an unpleasant surprise without being even remotely dangerous to the kids.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:46, closed)

Loon
Since you seem to enjoy British vocab, over here we call them stock cubes - or more often OXO cubes (for the same reason we call vacuum cleaners 'hoovers').

But yes, it's a good idea, and one I've thought about in the past. I've recently moved into a flat block though, so unless they try the phone-entry system I won't be disturbed this year.
(annexed, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:58, closed)

Stock cubes
is a good term for them. Thanks!

I once had a kid answer the door while I was escorting my daughter around, and he gave me one of those shock pops that's super sour and contains a small amount of ammonia (I think). He insisted that I eat it right then and there.

I did so with a smile, my face never twitching in the slightest.

The kid's jaw dropped, and he had to try one himself to make sure of what he'd given me.

I just smiled more when he gagged.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:03, closed)

A friend of mine went to the effort of making a large batch of chocolate covered brussel sprouts
I don't think anyone ever bothered him on halloween after the first time he used them.
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:48, closed)

Cheeky little street rats turned up 3 days early last
year, in their school uniform.

Fortunately my dad is the local head teacher, so I can tell them to fuck off without fear of getting stabbed by a 9 year old.

The same little chaps popped back a week later with a tracksuit and traffic cone in a wheel barrow and said "penny for the guy" It was such a pathetic attempt that I had to give them 50p

They hadn't even bothered to fill the tracksuit up, it was literally a tracksuit and a traffic cone.
(brainwrong, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:51, closed)

See, I would go for the "food sabotage" approach
but I'd be worried that they'd come back and egg my windows/poo through my letterbox/set fire to my wheelie bin. I think I'll stick to hiding.
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:52, closed)

you want to get yourself a letter box like mine
you can barely get letters through it as it is so stiff and draughtproof
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:55, closed)

My local supermarket
Has a sign outside saying that it won't sell eggs and flour to kids this week, at the request of the local Community Safety Partnership.

I was amazed that anyone thought this was worth the effort. I'm sure they can get fireworks at the corner shop...
(annexed, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:20, closed)

I had my first trick-or-treaters on Sunday
They were three girls, maybe 10 years old, and when I pointed out that it wasn't Halloween they told me they were going on holiday this week. It was only after they left (empty-handed, of course) that I realised they hadn't even been wearing costumes.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:10, closed)

At least it's on a Friday this year
so us young, vibrant social-life types will be out on the town anyway.

I actually have no plans, anyone fancy a pint?
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:15, closed)

Ah, shame!
I've had plans made last night for something else.
I'm free Wednesday and Thursday night though :p
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:18, closed)

Well that's no good is it :P
Unless the brats come round early like some others have found :o

I'm sure I can talk some equally miserly friends into going out for a few. So long as we can find somewhere that isn't doing sodding fancy dress.
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:28, closed)

Wahey!
I now have a date on Friday night! Scrotes be damned!
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:38, closed)

Haha!
Are you a "local" too then?
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:40, closed)

woo!
I'll meet you at the pub. You know, that one with all the beer and that.
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:02, closed)

Ah, confusion reigns!
Was replying to the "will be out on the town anyway" observation, not the "anyone fancy a pint?" invitation. At the time of writing I had really just arranged a date for tomorrow night - shame it looks like being off now :(
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 13:25, closed)

*cries*
pulling FAIL :(
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Thu 30 Oct 2008, 16:20, closed)

One year...
I was working in a theatre group and had made myself a 'Skeletor' mask for a kids show.

I opened the door to the trickortreaters wearing this and a long hooded black cloak I happen to own (doesn't everyone?).

They ran away. Result!
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:25, closed)

HA!
I like this. I bet a Scream mask would work nicely too
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:30, closed)

Maybe if it was 2001
but they're a bit outdated now aren't they?
(brainwrong, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:41, closed)

Just open the door naked
Covered in fake blood.

Works every time.
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:43, closed)

I suppose so
I don't know, 2001 was about the year I stopped watching horror films due to finding them funny instead of scary
(Binary Solo loves a bit of algebra, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:48, closed)

Screams and an angle grinder working metal
will keep the kids away. As does waiting for them to get close to the door then firing fake blood at it from a super-soaker (especially if combined with the angle grinder thing).

This year I've got some carpet, a mannequin rolled up inside it, and some fake-blood-covered clothes.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:04, closed)

Me too
We have quite a long front garden with a high hedge on one side and no exterior light, so it's very dark. We close all the curtains and blinds and leave the lights off at the front of the house.

It's not (just) that I'm tight, but I'm of the generation that objects to Trick or Treating on cultural grounds. Why can't the kids just enjoy a good old conker tournament then move on to penny for the guy? Oh yes, it's because the supermarkets can't make any money out of those. Silly me.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:04, closed)

Help your local animal shelter by stocking up on unwanted animals and then giving each child three puppies. Win-win.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 19:48, closed)