Twilight
I acquired a PDF of this book (didn't buy it, I'm not that insane) just to see what all the fuss was about. 6 chapters later, I gave up. It was sapping my will to live.

What's wrong with it? Well, nothing if you don't count the appalling writing, the cliché storm and incredibly uneven pacing. Oh, and the fact that the main character is a complete Mary Sue who can do absolutely no wrong (I counted at least one crash she was in that was partly her fault only to be told it wasn't) who is so super special (despite being kind of a bitch) that us poor blokes have no choice except to fall desperately in love with her upon the merest glimpse of her.

I didn't even get to the sparkly vampires bit, which is just as well cos I'd have probably broken my laptop.

As an aspiring writer, it is good for one thing. If shite like that can get published, surely I can. Well, if I ever finish the five or so novels I've started...
(williamthebloody, Sat 26 Jun 2010, 15:47, 16 replies)

Good Call...

I never got to reading the twilight efforts - and after your post I'm not going to bother.

It kind of reminds me of the Dan Brown novels, ones that I started, but unfortunately made it through...only to wish I had given up after chapter 1.

They suck
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Sat 26 Jun 2010, 16:29, closed)

As the old saying goes "Everyone has a good book in them....except Dan Brown..."
(CantSleepClownsWillGetMe Likes: Turtles, Sat 26 Jun 2010, 17:42, closed)

Your writing skills...
They certainly don't aspire me with confidence...
( Anal_Volley_Net, Sat 26 Jun 2010, 18:18, closed)

Give that man a cigar!
Well done laddie.
(Shippy likes linebreaks and doesn't care what you think, Sat 26 Jun 2010, 19:17, closed)

I don't see how trash fiction
is going to help you sell a self-help book.
( evil_andy Stick stick stick stick sticky sticky stick stick, Sat 26 Jun 2010, 18:52, closed)

You've just inspired me
to become an aspiring writer.
(The man with the flan swashed his buckle on, Sat 26 Jun 2010, 19:08, closed)

OK so...
I deserved that. I'm going to blame the fact that I was over excited about tonights Doctor who for that one slipping through.

It was in no way to do with me not double checking what I'd written before posting. Honest guv.
(williamthebloody, Sat 26 Jun 2010, 20:05, closed)

If you do ever finish a book...
Try using the B3ta Edit facility. Submit something and within minutes all your spelling errors, grammatical flaws and plot holes will be dug up and cast out.

Caution: May result in excessive Honda references.
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 9:50, closed)

Not just bad, but dangerous
My daughter is 14, and last year she bought Twilight.

"Great, at least she's reading!"

Then I picked it up. Fucking hell, it's evil. The messages it sends to girls!

Sex is evil and dangerous.
Do whatever your boyfriend says, or he'll kill you. Or he'll be killed.
Your mother is a whore because she found your father boring.


There's more: she bought New Moon, in which male violence is the woman's fault. Thrill-seeking is to be punished. Foreigners are degenerate.

Thankfully, she got bored with it and took to Discworld.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Sat 26 Jun 2010, 21:44, closed)

Isn't there also something about how if a boy loves you he'll stalk you to prove it?
(williamthebloody, Sat 26 Jun 2010, 22:16, closed)

Indeed there is
There's a part where the male lead disables the whiny girl's car so she can't go see someone he doesn't like, among other 'how to get into a dangerous relationship 101' tips and tricks. True love all the way, no?
(louveciennes , Volvospotter, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 1:00, closed)

Twilight is utter, utter rubbish
but when I was halfway through my chemistry degree it was about all my brain could take for bedtime reading.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Sat 26 Jun 2010, 23:00, closed)

i also downloaded a pdf of twilight
i managed about 3 chapters before declaring it rubbish and boring
( weaver., Sat 26 Jun 2010, 23:18, closed)

I
managed the first few chapters then also gave up. I couldn't handle reading one more description of how fit this vampire bloke supposedly was.
(FootOfTim, Sun 27 Jun 2010, 0:14, closed)

Unfortunately
This is making me WANT to read it, just so I can find out how bad it really is. It's like some kind of literary car-crash, with the trilogy being a multiple-car pile-up in the Fantasy/Sci-Fi section of Waterstones... okay, so that analogy was a bit shit, but still.

Bring me the eye-bleach!
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Sun 27 Jun 2010, 7:39, closed)

It's painful
Really, really painful. I read just enough to confirm the bit about vampires being sparkly, and it only took a few paragraphs of the writer's clunky, overwrought, ridiculously juvenile words-strung-together (I hesitate to call it 'writing') to make me wish I could suffer temporary short-term memory loss and forget the whole thing. As someone who greatly enjoys most forms of so-bad-they're-good entertainment, I find those books are just ordinary bad.
(louveciennes , Volvospotter, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 1:05, closed)