I actually got caught NOT having a wank...
My mother is disabled due to tremendous problems with her legs. Many years ago, when I was a lad of 17, she could still walk but regularly popped sleeping tablets at night so she could sleep through the pain. The only problem was that they took a great deal fo time to kick in and basically sent her tripping while they took effect. I used to work regular late shifts at the local video rental place and would frequently hear her stomping about the place after I got home, trying to have a conversation with the dog or something whilst the tablets took effect.

One evening I'm sitting quietly in my room, still in full uniform from work, having a game of Dungeon Keeper II on my PC before going to bed. Suddenly my bedroom door flies open and in stomps mother branding a fluffy clean towel.

"Will you please stop wanking into towels?!!" she says, stoned out of her gourd. I blinked in surprise. Possibly I didn't hear her correctly.
"I'm sorry?" I asked.
"We've got perfectly good tissue paper in the bathroom! Use that instead!" she says, giggling like a halfwit.
"Mother," I said in the self-righteous tone I was prone to using when irritated, "I assure you that I have not been wanking into towels. Besides, that one is clean as a whistle. I suspect you've just grabbed it from the airing cupboard."
"No, you've been using it for your self-abuse!"
"Uh-huh." I replied. "Good-night, mother."

The funny thing was that though at the time I was single, desperately horny and was therefore masturbating for Britain, I really hadn't been using towels, dirty or otherwise, to clean up my man-milk.

So insulted and wounded was I from the mere accusation that I waited until she had gone to bed, grabbed the cleanest, whitest towel I could find from the airing cupboard, cracked one off into it, refolded it and placed it back in the middle of the pile.

Petty retaliation? Me? ^_^
(Orin delurked to post this gibberish on, Wed 2 Jun 2004, 13:38, Reply)