This one boss...
Back in my in between uni year summers I worked in a ceramic factory.

It was a local firm that made ceramic pieces that cleaned various metals after industrial production, and my boss was a cunt.

He wasn't one of those bosses that rode your back he was one of those bosses that tried to fit in with the lads and always failed miserably, there were many a tumble weed moment when he tried to crack a joke because it either referred back to bestiality and paedophilia, now there are times and places for jokes but when someone brings in pictures of their new born what you don't want to here is..

"I bet she would look good on my cock"

Basically a social misfit who had managed to get through life without ending up on G wing in Strangeways.

Down at the local pub he was always on the bandit whilst his fat ugly bird looking like a mong would sit watching the lights flash.

After a few weeks of bad jokes the twat said something about my brother his first mistake his next mistake he made some comments about my missus at the time and that made me flip.

I'm not one these people that strike out straight away, I plan and take their most precious thing and defile it some sought of way.

For example: At my sisters wedding, she had invited a guy who the previously week had try to hit my dad at a sportsmen dinner, an opportunity arose where I bagged his missus in the toilets and the satisfaction of knowing my child makers were dribbling down here thighs as she danced with her arsehole of husband made my year.

I digress, the wanker of a boss, his most precious thing his tool set, he would anally put all his tools back in his snap-on box every day, meticulously making sure that every piece was shiny and lived in its proper home, so I decided to snap-off one in his snap on box.

My final week came at the factory and to cap it all on my last day there the wanker was going away for two weeks thus giving me a full day to curl one off instead of quickly squatting and laying a cable in a minute.

On the Thursday night I went for a curry and downed a load of the Irish black stuff, to cap it off I had a greasy kebab before I went to bed.

On the Friday morning I had some senacot before going to work, I had to dodge a few turtle heads prior to getting to work and the pain in my bowels was excruciating (I'm a coffee and cig man for my shit trigger so always empty my bowels at 6:30 every morning).

I waddle into work like a knock kneed stripper holding ping pong balls up her chuff and managed to get round to the now empty bosses office where his tool box resided. The bastard had put the biggest padlock on it so I had to improvise QUICKLY as I was about to shit myself.

For those that have snap on boxes will realise that there are pins on hinges that can easily be knocked out if you have the right tools, I shouted to one of the lads and he quickly got the hammer and chisel from another part of the factory. I quickly knocked out the pins and stood on top of the bosses desk (it was a full length snap on box) I took the top tool tray which left me ample enough space and released my bowels. After wiping my arse on one his cleaning rags and I took a good look at my effort.

Perfect, not squit shit or hard shit but somewhere in between, two girls one cup shit would describe it perfectly but black with the odd speckle of green chilli, I was proud. I put the pins back in the hinges and left work that day knowing I had done my bit.

I got a call about 3 weeks later from my brother who told me story of what happened when he came back.

Remember this shit had two weeks of festering...

Basically boss came to work and when he opened his tool box quickly had the Managing director down to his office shouting "ONE OF THESE BASTARDS HAD SHAT IN MY TOOL BOX"
Apparently the MD didn't even say he word he went outside the office and started pissing himself laughing, laughing so much he had to prop himself up against a wall in a position that mimics the Hitler wank every bloke does in the shower.

To this day, the old boss still thinks someone else did it, so much so I got invited to his wedding, obviously I didn't go but I did buy him a wedding present, a miniature snap on tool box that contained chocolate....
(bigbear45 scousers are the barnacles of society, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 9:41, 17 replies)

Needs more Honda.

( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 17 Jun 2010, 9:50, closed)

And moar MASSIVE DRUGS!

( TheMattInAHat has a particular... odour..., Thu 17 Jun 2010, 10:57, closed)

Spellcheck! Grammar Check! Honesty Check!
Where's the fight with Mr T?

FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL

(if you can't beat AB, join him. And frankly, he has a point with this sort of tosh)
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 17 Jun 2010, 9:52, closed)

^ This

(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 10:00, closed)

Unfortunately, you have a point.
And even if this is all true, the OP's actions have made him as bad as the manager he claimed to despise.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 17 Jun 2010, 10:11, closed)

What is wrong with you?

( rofl harris, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 10:15, closed)

Do not under any circumstance
Piss off BigBear45, especially when your MRS is around ;)
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 10:30, closed)

^^^^
Very good. I like that...

I think that Joe is going to flying kick bigbear45's old boss soon...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 17 Jun 2010, 10:57, closed)

The image of the MD pissing his strides
had me in tears, imagining your former manager going fucking thermal all the while...

Fuck me.
(AndyC4m Eject Eject [><], Thu 17 Jun 2010, 11:28, closed)

I know I still giggle at people's description of the MD going outside to piss himself laughing

(bigbear45 scousers are the barnacles of society, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:19, closed)

wow

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 12:14, closed)

.
You should have told him it was a stoolbox.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 13:52, closed)

If the Managing Director laughed
at someone shitting in one of his underlings' toolbox, then the workplace was completely dysfunctional. I don't believe any of this happened.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 14:14, closed)

well the md was the owner
might not make a difference to you disbelievers but the MD did own the place and about 2 months later sold it for millions.
(bigbear45 scousers are the barnacles of society, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 14:31, closed)

good for him
MORE FAIL!!!!

I don't mind that, so much, it's more the appalling literacy level displayed.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 17 Jun 2010, 15:01, closed)

For me it's not whether it's true or not
It's the fact you're an advocate for shitting in things in order to resolve petty grievances.

Are you the same guy who had a shit in a lift? I can't be arsed to look for that post.

Maybe badger needs to add a new section to his list: "bottom protests"
( rofl harris, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 15:07, closed)

not my proudest moment
I wouldn't advocate shitting in a toolbox now, and I have never shat anywhere else except for the Armitage shanks and a bin on the curry mile in Manchester (another story when the QOTW comes that matches the story).

its a story however that makes certain people laugh especially if you knew the guy (nickname speedie lives near Burnley). Therefore I wanted to share this story with the rest of the B3tans.
(bigbear45 scousers are the barnacles of society, Thu 17 Jun 2010, 15:33, closed)