A friend of mine works in IT security for a major financial house.
At the time of this story she was in a fairly lowly position but destined for higher things.

The financial house was having to upgrade some software on a remote site. A difficult job with many potential security implications and there had been many briefings on the problem but my friend, being quite junior then didn't anticipate being too involved.

With an engineer on a remote site ready to do the upgrade a conference call was placed from there to the security centre. My friend's boss swept through the office with many bigwigs in tow, very important people who'd flown from all over the world just for this moment. The boss pointed to her and the most junior office junior and indicated they were to follow him to his office many many floors above. She'd never been to his office before. The office junior was shitting himself. They got in the lift with the men in expensive suits and ascended.

The conference call began with the remote engineer saying, "I've done what I can but haven't got permissions to go any further. I need a username and password from someone in security."

Head honcho turns to office junior and says, "Give him your username and password.".

Obviously, this is why he'd been brought along.

Office junior pulls himself to his full height and replies, "I'm sorry, I can't do that, it breaks all the protocols."

Head honcho smiles benevolently, "Well done son, that's the right answer but I wrote those protocols. These are exceptional circumstances and we need your username and password. Give him your username and password and when we're finished you can go back downstairs and change them."

Remote Engineer: Right. Username?
Office Junior: J.O.H.N.S.O.N.M.J
[tap tap tap of remote engineer entering username]

RE: Password?
OJ: [sweating profusely] Erm.....A.N.A.L.R.A.P.E
[tap tap tap........]
RE: Fuckin' 'ell! Anal rape????
[exeunt OJ]
(twattybanjo, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 12:49, 9 replies)

this
is awesome.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:05, closed)

I know,
A field engineer who can spell.
(twattybanjo, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:29, closed)

lol, I love simpling the bigwigs :D
A few years back some company bigwig was walking around our centre; a small aging man in a suit who no-one had seen before. He was walking around people's desks checking to see what everyone was doing.

He spies some random office worker who had just finished a call and struts over to him. With a little cheeky grin he says "What did you do just then?" and points at the agent's monitor.

The agent turns around, looks him up and down and says rather loudly "Who in the fuck are you?"

He caught his P45 quicker than a group of Ethiopians chasing an ice-cream van.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:10, closed)

FanTASTIC!
I must remember to try analrape next time I'm locked out of a computer.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:23, closed)

Reminds me of the time
I drunkenly joined a betting website the night of a big boxing match, when the oddsmakers had got it bafflingly wrong. Next morning, stonking hangover, I couldn't figure out how to access my winnings. Had to phone up and ask. My username 'suckclit' didn't seem quite so hilarious in the cold light of day but I couldn't afford to let the money disappear into the ether. Call-centre lady made me spell it out and everything.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 13:53, closed)

Nice
Reminds me of the time when my colleague was in a meeting with a client and called up asking us to change some code for the site he was demoing. To do this, we needed his password from him. He suddenly went quiet as he realised that he was going to have to say this in front of the clients in the meeting. It was 'kylieshotpants'. I made sure I got him to repeat it a few times just for good measure.
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 14:11, closed)

Kylie shot pants?
?
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 16:14, closed)

Jesus Christ!
Why on Earth would someone choose that as their password?

There was a time at my last job, when one of the ladies returned from maternity leave, and her old username & password were locked due to inactivity, and she needed to use someone else's to log in with until hers could be re-activated (yeah, great security idea - we could all log in on more than one terminal).

So my manager asks me for my password so that the lady can use my duplicate, and I didn't want to shout it out in case he thought I was insulting him. So I just wrote one word on a Post-It note and handed it to him. 'Wanker'. Thinking back on it, I really should have written a random insult, have him try it, and then say: "Oh, sorry - that was my OLD password."

The only time I used one that was a potential personnel matter, was at the same company when I used to sit to a woman so very annoying, I nicknamed her Laxative Lisa - because she used to irritate the shit out of me. 'LisaIsACunt' was my password for quite some time, let me tell you.
(TheAmazingMeatMan ™ can't sing, but he's got soul, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 0:03, closed)

cant click this enough

(Archeleus hates cabbage, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 2:11, closed)