Reading this weeks QOTW has dredged up two examples (I wish I could forget..)
1. I was standing in line at a checkout a few days ago and my eyes had the misfortune of idly passing over the cover of one of those cheap and nasty magazines designed to make the poor and stupid feel marginally better about their tedious lives.

This one was called "Chat!", the byline being "Life! Death! Prizes!!". The predominant cover story was a miserable looking hag glaring out from underneath the headline "Forced to Eat My Poo", a smaller headline over a picture of a man with half his face covered; "A Monkey Chewed My Nose, AND THEN HE ATE MY NUTS!!".

My brain still hasn't forgiven my eyeballs for that indelibly imprinted mental pollution.

2. I was waitressing a few years back and heaved a huge sigh of relief when the smoking in restaurants ban came in. People who light up while their dinner companions are still eating deserve to have their heads set on fire, and as for the utter obnoxiousness of those who choose to use their uncleared plates as an ashtray... AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Years later it still raises my blood pressure.
(AmiBambini, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 14:23, 10 replies)

I used to find it quite rude when
people started eating whilst I was in the middle of enjoying a cigarette.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 14:32, closed)

at uni
was at the house of some very good friends of mine. most of us smoked.

at one point one of the girls came in while we were enjoying a smoke and started to eat something (I believe it was jam on a cream cracker or something equally weird)

she said it was rude and unpleasant to smoke while someone was eating.

to say she got rebuked is putting it mildly.

smoking while others eat is rude and I wouldn't do it, but to come into a room where a load of people are smoking, start eating a measly little weird snack, and then complain that they are smoking while you eat is ridiculous.

we made sure she knew it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 15:21, closed)

Nice
That's what I like to hear.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 15:33, closed)

You should have bought the magazine!
I, for one, would like to read about a man who had his nose chewed by a monkey!
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Tue 21 Oct 2008, 14:47, closed)

It'll be in
the next bundle off me mum. I'll let you know how he got on.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 15:36, closed)

Great!
I can't wait to find out how his nuts got on!
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Tue 21 Oct 2008, 15:54, closed)

Oh, I love those magazines.
My mother buys them all and hands over a huge bundle of them every few weeks.

When I've read them I drop them off at the local court, where the cells staff remove the staples and give them to the prisoners to keep them quiet.

Gets boring down there - a little Life! Death! Prizes! goes a long way.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 14:48, closed)

Have a click
Just for the comment about using your uncleared plates as an ashtray. Not so much common as just cuntish.
(syz, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 15:12, closed)

Hmmmm...
Yeah, it's probably a bit hypocritical me rubbishing those magazines, as I spend far too long reading all the real-life stories here on b3ta. Much better written here though!! Would the QOTW be enhanced if respond'ees also included a photo story of themselves re-enacting their tales including ham fisted expressions and dodgy use of home made props?

And my mum used to bring home stacks of the aussie equivalent home from her job as a checkout operator, I would procrastinate from my school work by reading each and every one, and now whenever I look at any of those kind of magazines I feel an instant pang of guilt, it's almost Pavlov like. The "Eat My Poo" headline was definitely lowering the bar though.

Ooh, something else that is quite common, the argument that the suited essex real estate bloke is having with his ukranian stripper girlfriend at the table just over from me (I'm working 'from home' today in a north London wi-fi'd pub). He buys her things, she keeps calling him obsessively and getting drunk and passing out all the time. He's going on and on at her like a patronising twunt and I have an idea why she probably drinks too much. Now he's telling her that she needs to use more verbs..

It's quite common to eavesdrop isn't it..

I really need to go some work now.
(AmiBambini, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 15:18, closed)

i saw
that forced to eat my poo story

my mum regularly buys chat magazine and i sometimes read through it,

but has anyone ever noticed how in the pictures, they always look manically depressed... even if its a good story
like they've survived cancer or they thought they couldn't have babies then did.
(i eat crayons, Wed 22 Oct 2008, 20:44, closed)