Hair
So I'm sixteen years old. The girlfriend has come around to my place for the day, the folks and the sister are out, and the afternoon is ripe for lovin' -- or at least, kissin' and some awkward groping, which is the best a fairly shy guy such as myself could have expected.

But something is wrong. From the moment the ladyfriend walked in the door, she seemed a little nervous, a little distracted -- basically, the complete opposite of her usual self. After I realised something was up (it took about an hour or so... I'm really that observant), I asked her what was the matter. She refused to tell me. We played that game for a while (What'swrongnothingreallyyesyousureyesoh, the one I would soon come to recognise as an old favourite), but I eventually manage to get it out of her. In a quiet, delicate voice, quite unlike anything I've ever heard her say before, she comes out with:

'I've... you know... *shaved*.'

For some reason, my mind doesn't quite realise what's going on, so I respond with, 'Wow... Well, I have to say, it looks a lot better. I didn't want to mention anything, but I'd definitely noticed a little bit of fuzz there.'

All the while, I'm gesturing to her top lip. The lip that, in fact, was not one of the ones she was referring to.

There was to be no more fumbling that day. It took three hours for me to get her to even speak to me.

Length? Not insubstantial, but firmly out of sight that day. I was lucky she didn't rip it off.
(Ellinikos contains a source of phenylalanine, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 16:40, 13 replies)

That
is a classic...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 16:43, closed)

*creases up for the nth time today*
Fuck me that's hilarious.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 16:45, closed)

Click
Partly for the laugh, and partly for sympathy. You know you need a particularly deep, dark hole to fall into when they refuse to talk to you.

(Fnarr)
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 16:47, closed)

Tophole
Picked and Clicked
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 16:48, closed)

Epic.
Well told Sir! :-)
(uk_viper stopped lurking on, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 16:52, closed)

*click*
You've actually made my day better
thanking you for the lols
(violent pacifist ;now with 20% more paradox...., Fri 28 Nov 2008, 16:59, closed)

haha
superb! A gaff of the finest pedigree. *click*
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 17:09, closed)

Wow
First post worked better than I was expecting :)

Consider me popped.
(Ellinikos contains a source of phenylalanine, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 17:20, closed)

Did you get another bollocking a week later
for complaining about teh stubble?
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 18:46, closed)

Clicky
Awesome work there! Well done.
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 20:24, closed)

Hahaha. That story is so good I almost wish it had happened to me! Almost...

All the bicycles in the world couldn't backpedal out of that one.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 21:20, closed)

My dear chap
that deserves about a hundred thousand clicks in my eyes...

*click*
(Home Bargains was last seen wanking like a safari park chimp:, Sat 29 Nov 2008, 12:56, closed)

My ex had a furry lip.
I didn't notice until we were midway through our first real snogfest, but it always bothered me for some reason. I don't even like feeling my own facial hair, let alone someone else's.
( Grokthought wouldn't pay that for Chinese 5-Spice, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 11:20, closed)