Training Disaster.
I've been training in Martial Arts for a few years now (this is not a story involving any driving of a Honda Accord). I decided to go for it and enter one of the all ages open entry tournaments hosted by a local club (not my own).

I'd been getting up for early morning runs, putting in the extra hours at the gym - anything to try and drag my fitness levels up. I only got into this during my late 20's after years of being really unfit and to be honest, I'd started to doubt that I'd be up to it.

One of the guys at my club suggested looking into sports nutrition to give that extra edge when training. I didn't think I had much to lose by giving it a go so I went and had a look on the internet.

After browsing through many, many sites of inter-lies, promises of titanic strength, flat stomach with next to no exercise and a massive dong, I settled on some creatine powder (£25) and a big tub of maxi-muscle (£40) from a Holland and Barratt type store. I read up on it and it all seemed legit, not steriods or anything that would turn my piss green.

A couple of days later it all gets delivered and I'm keen as hell to posses my new super powers!

I did the creatine first, reading the back of the tub it said to add a spoonful to a pint of water and drink at once. Which I duly followed. It didn't taste as bad as I thought, a bit chalky but not totaly unpleasant. Next for the maxi-muscle.

I added a couple of heaped spoonfuls to a pint glass, held the glass under the tap and started to stir in water, but instead of disolving like the creatine powder, it started to thicken, it went from a custard like substance to being almost dough like, and it was growing, not just a bit, but quite a lot.

The sticky goo started to pour out of the top of the glass. I dropped the glass into the sink which then broke. The pile of gunky muscle shit quickly filled the sink and started to swell out accross the draining board. Shit! it was like possessed insulation foam, it was getting everywhere. I did the only rational thing at the time and picked up the decorative bamboo kitchen lamp (£80 - Ikea) and proceeded to twat the shit out of this unholy growing spunk bubble.

With the damage to the lamp, the kitchen and my pummeled residue of my original internet purchase, I was left with one expansive whey-caned.

I won't appologise for length - I think I've done enough damage.
(deadsetgav, Wed 19 May 2010, 12:09, 5 replies)

I'm so sorry... If I had a coat I'd go and get it.
(deadsetgav, Wed 19 May 2010, 12:11, closed)

Haha
I've used some things like that before. It's only until I drink it that I realise what a bad idea it was ;)

(and *click*)
(random_monkey Dosadno mi e, Wed 19 May 2010, 12:22, closed)

Bloody hell - good work!

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 19 May 2010, 13:26, closed)

hahaha
Got a mental picture of you now slapping a lamp into the foam-monster screaming something like "DIE DARKMAN DIE!"
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 19 May 2010, 14:48, closed)

*groan*
and *click* :)
(Good old boy just like yer grandma!, Thu 20 May 2010, 9:31, closed)