I got seated in the front row at the Comedy Store in Los Angeles last year and this right cunt of a comedian was asking everyone one by one what they did for a living and subsequently taking the piss out of each person rather tastelessly. He wasn't all that funny, just mean spirited and was drawing at strings to keep his act together. He made fun of my choice of clothing and then asked me what I did for a living. I promptly lied and told him that I am a comedy scout for HBO looking for new talent and that I had yet to see anything worth writing home about. Audience laughed, he stopped in his tracks, moved on to someone else, got no crowd reaction and ended his set early. Edit: Yeah that's right I said "drawing at strings"
( smearballs double bag it!, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 22:34, 17 replies)

This really happened.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 22:45, closed)

yes indeed

( smearballs double bag it!, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 22:48, closed)

Well, I for one believe every word.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 22:55, closed)

^ someone who appears to think this is a Catholic confession box not a humour website

(Guy Debord cette mauvaise réputation..., Tue 17 Jun 2014, 15:12, closed)

you're crediting him with thinking?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 15:15, closed)

oh wait
it's the latest hilarious alias for Battered, the Gregory Goyle of b3ta. So you're quite right, "thinking" probably isn't the word here.
(Guy Debord cette mauvaise réputation..., Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:10, closed)

"drawing at strings"?
Do you lie any more convincingly in your first two languages?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 22:55, closed)

thanks for the dicklordish response!
(Was that the correct use of the word dicklordish?)
This particular comedian was guessing about people's backgrounds and based his comedy act on shitty assumptions in desperation to say something funny. Where I come from the saying "drawing at strings" implies conjecture on the part of he who is "drawing at strings". My apologies if I was not clear on the nature of his conjecture.
( smearballs double bag it!, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 23:24, closed)

"clutching at strings"
"grasping at straws"
"staying about from bins"
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 23:46, closed)

"jerking at horses"
"poking at the dolphin's blow-hole"
"scratching at crotch-pimples"
"sniffing at ballstrings"
( smearballs double bag it!, Mon 16 Jun 2014, 23:51, closed)

"greasing the Shatner's bassoon"
"circular breathing around the starfish"
"giving it a serious dose of baboon hips"
"grappling the vicar's second sandwich from the left"
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 0:00, closed)

"pointing at chickens"
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 2:00, closed)

teeheehee

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 8:20, closed)

The phrase "drawing at strings" only exists in your head, pet.
Sorry about that.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 8:03, closed)

good thing I went back in time and spread this phrase all over the internet
( smearballs double bag it!, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 15:48, closed)

Just for a side by side comparisson:
www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=%22clutching+at+straws%22&word2=%22drawing+at+strings%22
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:04, closed)

That's great if you're in to using main-stream phrases.
I stopped using "clutching at straws" before it was cool to clutch at straws.
( smearballs double bag it!, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:07, closed)

And started using something that makes no sense, instead.
Why not just substitute gobbledygook words and phrases for everything you say?
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:10, closed)

drawing at bow strings - trying to hit a target
makes a lot of sense
( smearballs double bag it!, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:32, closed)

You're really grasping at reeds here.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:36, closed)

grasping sucking
reeds moosebutts
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:59, closed)

It's alright Shambles, he's one of those Americans. Americans like him can be excused for getting simple well known phrases wrong because they are big fat stupid Americans.
Stupid Americans.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 0:36, closed)

Actually I'm Canadian.
but I forgive you for drawing at strings with regards to my nationality.

We have our own bastardized versions of simple well known phrases. It's what makes us distinct from our rude fat neighbours to the south.
( smearballs double bag it!, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 0:43, closed)

Haha 'Canadian', like that's even a thing
Stupid Americans.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 0:54, closed)

Park Harpell
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 2:15, closed)

Dafuck was that?
So Eddie van Halen made some poor choices in groupies, or something? Was it Canadia's version of comedy? Moose-fucking humorless cunts.
(SlantedScience, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 3:02, closed)

That and the moose-fucking.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 17 Jun 2014, 1:03, closed)

'Canadian'? Isn't that just a really shit american?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 7:38, closed)

Everything you hate about America,
but with added Frenchness.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 11:06, closed)

Google results for "drawing at strings" ... fuck all.
Google results for "moose-fucking illiterate canadian" ... millions.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 8:04, closed)

plenty
"drawing at strings"
( smearballs double bag it!, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 15:52, closed)

I realise you live in the most hilariously parochial country on the planet
but surely even in remotest Moosefuckville, a few hundred Google results from illiterate oiks on teen messageboards counts as 'fuck all'.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 16:00, closed)

You are really drawing at strings here with your insults.

( smearballs double bag it!, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 16:21, closed)

I don't think anybody has insulted you, have they?
A few people have mocked the fact that you've confused a couple of common English idioms and come up with some twaddle about drawing strings. It's not your fault that you can't speak English given the disadvantages of your background.

I thought you folks were made of sterner stuff than this.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 16:33, closed)

Surely you can explain the meaning of "drawing at strings", and how the meaning is derived?
You see... "clutching at straws" refers to how someone drowning in a river might grasp for anything floating past, even if it's just a bit of reed or straw; desperate for anything to keep them afloat they choose something that at first glance might help, but for which it is obvious to all those standing on the bank that it will not do the job.

You see... the metaphor is quite clear.

How do your drawstrings relate to this?
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:02, closed)

sure
A man who was once so upset that he had never heard a phrase before wanted to draw a picture to explain his anger to a bunch of people who didn't care. He had nothing to draw on so he stopped and sucked everyone's penis until he could think of a meaning for the phrase he was ignorant of. Finally after sucking a thousand penises he made string out of their pubic hair and drew a picture of a mermaid getting fucked by a horse with the string. Forever more the saying "drawing at strings" was synonymous with conjecture.
( smearballs double bag it!, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:21, closed)

more likely though
it probably refers to drawing the string of a bow and firing an arrow blindly hoping you hit the target.
( smearballs double bag it!, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:23, closed)

OK.... but surely it would have entered the English language
around about the time we were we using bows and arrows for stuff,
not around the time we setup a colonies in the the new world.

Also... if you're an expert archer, you still draw the string... only you hit rather than miss.

Fuck it dude... I'm just taking the piss.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:35, closed)

haha
C'mon man I wanted to go into 4 more hours of not working and debating the buoyancy of straw vs. an archer's mentality.
( smearballs double bag it!, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:38, closed)

it's just a bollocks phrase used by a handful of illiterate canucks who don't understand English.
There are zero results for "idiom 'drawing at strings'" ... no Frencher results either.

It doesn't have an etymology because no functioning adults have ever used it.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:55, closed)

no'ffence like

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:58, closed)

I apologize
I hope the stress that the obscurity of the phrase I used didn't cause you any personal harm. You must have had a shit when "selfie" was introduced into the dictionary because it wasn't used in the time of Shakespeare.
( smearballs double bag it!, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 18:10, closed)

It was.
He used it in the deleted scene from Hamlet, in
which he tries to get his cock in his own mouth.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 18:24, closed)

Too much of water hast I, poor Ophelia,
And therefore I hath pissed in my own mouth
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 18:29, closed)

oh pudding ... bless your little socks for trying
'selfie' is already in the dictionary and has billions of Google results ... you really can't accept that your English is wonky, can you?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 18:57, closed)

Last time I looked
Canada was in America.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 17 Jun 2014, 8:44, closed)

terrible racism

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 8:48, closed)

That was pretty competent racism
I thought. Would even go as far as to review it with 4 stars, would recommend to a bigoted friend.
(RebelWithoutApplause My underestimation will almost be the death of me, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 14:59, closed)

^ this
above all others.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 1:13, closed)

Yes I did this, too.
So did all of my mates. And all of their mates.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 8:01, closed)

my grandmother's mates did this before it was cool

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 8:21, closed)

That's funny cos...
I did your grandmother before she was cool. As in post-mortem cool.

Yeah.
(RebelWithoutApplause My underestimation will almost be the death of me, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 15:00, closed)

well that's a bit rum

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 15:30, closed)

A similar thing happend to me.
I was at a Bob Hope gig, and I shouted,'Why did the chicken cross the road?' at him. It put him right off his stride and everyone thought I was well clever and lol.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 9:22, closed)

I asked Billy Connely
to show us his cock.
(username failed moderation, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 9:24, closed)

In before the delete

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 9:34, closed)

I'm glad Robbie is dead.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 9:42, closed)

*Plays 'The Last Post' trumpet solo.*

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 10:25, closed)

Was Tim Minchin on the "ivories"?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 10:26, closed)

Its a pretty standard response to a shit comedian, dude:
www.b3ta.com/questions/hecklesagain/post2302893
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 11:04, closed)

Yes I did this, too.
So did all of my mates. And all of their mates.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 11:07, closed)

I'm not even claiming to have done it.
It's shit, hence why my version of it was abridged, and tacked onto some other thread.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 11:08, closed)

I was the first one ever to do it.
Everyone - ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE - is copying ME.

Actually.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 11:15, closed)

I invented jokes.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 11:24, closed)

I invented you.

( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 11:41, closed)

Just cuz you were born a joke, doesn't make them your idea.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 11:42, closed)

^ started the whole world crying

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 13:38, closed)

I invented inventing things
Boom! Over.
(RebelWithoutApplause My underestimation will almost be the death of me, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 15:06, closed)

I'm inventing your mum right now and she likes it.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 16:06, closed)

*hoping this thread stays up, to show others how to not delete things*

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 16:08, closed)

there's no way a big burly moose fucker would do a crybaby trick like that

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 16:41, closed)

I do hope not.
I'd hate for Robbie to have died in vain.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 16:58, closed)

alwez in r harts

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 18:04, closed)

Tea time crumpet muncher
( smearballs double bag it!, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 17:00, closed)

Do you wear comedy woggles?

( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 17 Jun 2014, 19:09, closed)

I have ignored this and then I asked a Canadian online poker friend it he knew what a
drawing of strings was, because apparently it is a big thing with the moosefuckers. He said, "There are retards everywhere." So, that's it case rested. Fuck you all very much, I thank you.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 16:45, closed)

terrible bullying of the poor moose-fucker

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 17:03, closed)

Hyphenated!

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 17:37, closed)

hyphe-fucking-nated

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 17:56, closed)

I am too upset to even delete this post.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 18:54, closed)