farting
when you start going out/ entering into a relationship you and your future partner will cough , scuff your shoe or try to exit a area you have just guffed in by speed-walking away.

These days my mrs will lie in bed clench her aris and silently hiss out a fart. The only way i know a nasal assault is going to start burning my nose hairs and im going to start gagging is when she starts giggling like a loon.

Im a little bit more exhibitionist than my mrs , i like to deliver my bottom surprise whilst sitting on the settee next to my lady watching for instance dexter whilst silently farting and then cupping my hand into my lap and speed wafting the said cupped fart under my mrs nose. I then tend to run away and lock myself in the shit box laughing my head off , cos im in the trousers like that in my house.

Can real love include being able to make your partner gag on your guffs ?
(Cov Boy, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 16:41, 6 replies)

You know when you reach the stage
you're willing to spend time together, it's when you start dropping your guts in front of each other.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 18:01, closed)

His wife was not amused
Sitting in the pub with my friend and his wife one night, we were all telling stories from the past. One of them didn't go down too well with his missus as she felt he was revealing 'inappropriate' details about their private life. This just encouraged him. After several more risque tales, she finally retaliated. 'Why don't don't you tell ThisCaledonianClown what you did with the sock?' At this point my mate clammed up. Frantic eye gestures towards his wife suggested that he really, really did not want her to tell me what happened with the sock. So, of course, she went straight ahead.

Apparently, she awoke one night to find him holding a sock over her face. Panicked and angry, she demanded to know what the fuck he was doing. Turns out he had decided to try an experiment on his sleeping spouse. He knew a fart was coming, so he grabbed a sock and held it over his arse to collect the gas. He then placed the sock over his wife's face ('millimetres away, there was no actual contact") to see if it would have any effect on her. It did.
( ThisCaledonianClown has left it far too late, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 19:08, closed)

What is an aris
and how do you clench it?
(bat_fudgie, Fri 17 Jun 2011, 22:39, closed)

aris = aristotle = bottle (and glass) = arse. Simple really :D
(Freakmandu, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 2:51, closed)

Elementary
indeed. Thanks!
(bat_fudgie, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 22:18, closed)

So, not that I told you this but
But one of those squeezey handled dart guns sucks up and fires farts brilliantly. Holds em for quite a while too...
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 11:42, closed)

this has led me to wonder whether you could use one of those Airzookas to deliver a fart to someone at a distance...

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 15:59, closed)

Research
grant applied for.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 22:08, closed)

yes, yes it can.
if you're twelve and there's time before double maths.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 21:46, closed)