Alpha male and all that
A few years ago, I was out in newcastle with some friends. After a few to many drinks and no luck with the ladies, we decided it was time for a kebab.

It turned out alot of people fancied mechanically recaptured lamb meat pound into a cylinder then cooked under a heat lamp and shaved. A queue had formed, so being a polite kind of guy, I waited. By the time I got to the front, I'd been volunteered to buy a few peoples food while they got us a seat. All was well untill in walks a fellow who decided he was better then the rest of us and got to go first in the queue.

Resplendent in his finery (shitty tracksuit bottoms and umbro jumper) he barged in, pushing and shoving until he was at the counter. There was a little timib looking woman beside me, she looked frightened and upset at having been barged aside. King of the queue turned and looked at me, laughed at me and said "Get a shave mate!" (I have a small beard and moutach combo similar to Jonny Depp).

Sighing, I looked forward, thinking "Do you want to try talking to me like that again?" only I didn't think it, I said it.
"You what mate?" he asks looking supprised.
"Do you want to fucking try talking to me like that again?" I asked in a calm, surprisingly sober sounding voice. I'm not a tough guy, not a fighter, 6' tall average build and fairly camp, yet I struck fear into his polyester clad heart. "Eh, nah, your allright mate." he said before scampering off without and food.

All eyes were on me suddenly, the timid woman smiled her thanks, kebab man nodded his gratitude, I stood and slowly unclenched every muscle in my body, I couldent belive I'd gotten away with acting like the big man, in a fight, I'd have been very good at catching punches with my face, and little else, yet there I stood, like batman of the cheap take away, thugs and villains tremble at my very name, the good people sat safe and unintimidated to enjoy thier meals.

Justice 1-0 Injustice
(Mong goose, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 8:49, 18 replies)

*click*
Hooray for Batman of the cheap takeaway.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:03, closed)

did gotham kebabs even give you any free lamb clunge for your troubles?
( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 10:12, closed)

"batman of the cheap take away"
Awesomeness - clicked.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 10:40, closed)

"mechanically recaptured lamb meat pound into a cylinder then cooked under a heat lamp and shaved."
why am i now hungry.....?
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 10:49, closed)

Top stuff.
Class A bluffing there!

Although I doubt it can be true - you are suggesting that the patrons "enjoy their meals". In a kebab house? Don't believe a word of it!

*click*
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 11:30, closed)

You twat
he was only trying to be friendly. Geordies are the salt of the earth.

The Kabab man was shitting himself, thinking you were about to kick off for no reason after having just sent his best mate packing for no reason at all. The timid woman was smiling in pity.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 11:55, closed)

Hero
click!
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:22, closed)

And what became of the timid laady?
Was she like a mongoose wrestling a cobra in the sack?
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:48, closed)

Just seen your user name is "mong goose"
and I unknowingly got a mongoose reference in. Victory in linking! Go me!
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:50, closed)

And when you unclenched your anus
you shat your pants?
(lemonadegame, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:57, closed)

No, but it was touch and go
(Mong goose, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 15:41, closed)

"similar to Jonny Depp"

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 15:48, closed)

It's really really not worth it...
you got lucky and the best occured. But there's also a fair chance you could have ended up on the floor with your brains leaking out your ears.

OR you could have waited an extra 45 seconds for your kebab
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 18:27, closed)

I do agree in part, I just hate seeing some one think they can bully people around and that the rules don't apply to them. And I really can't stand seeing a lady in distress. My chivalry will be the end of me.
(Mong goose, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 18:51, closed)

Quite often standing up to people like that
results in them showing up as the pussies they really are.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 20:19, closed)

No, don't agree.
Of course there are limits, but you know why people are bullies and act like complete pricks, getting what they want and shoving other people out the way?

Because other people let them.

Would I have stood up to the guy? Fuck no, I'm a pussy. Do I have utter respect for people that do? Absolutely.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 5:59, closed)

I regularly rage internally
at people who park diagonally across multiple handicapped parking spaces as if God Hisself had authorised it via decree... but I of course can never do anything about it. I would gladly RENDER THEM FUCKING HANDICAPPED HHAAHAAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!11 but that would only legitimise them...
(The 2-Belo OH SHI--[Sound of impact][End of recording], Wed 16 Feb 2011, 6:22, closed)

Oooh, that would be a nice line...
"Have you got a handicap?"
"No!"
"Would you like one?"

*cue ass-whuppin'*
(flimflam_machine, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 10:42, closed)