Motorcycle insurance
A bit of background: I have a motorcycle, it's shit. Good when it works but constantly falls apart/breaks/fucks up and I've spent more repairing it than the - admittedly, cheap - £600 I spent on it in the past 18 months or so.

So when it came to the time of insurance renewal, I decided not to get any more insurance and just sell the fucker. Insurance automatically renewed, lots of kerfuffle resulting in me having to pay the best part of a hundred quid to cancel a policy I didn't want in the first place.

I wrote a letter.


======================================================================

Dear Sir/Madam

Find enclosed a cheque for the amount of £96.75 which is now apparently a debt that I owe to your company, *** insurance. If you recall, my insurance policy for a silver Honda CB600F (1998 model, registration S*** ***) expired on August 19. I had no intention of renewing my policy for several reasons; I could not afford the upkeep of the vehicle and the extensive repairs that had to be made to the radiator. My plan was to keep the motorcycle off-road until I could sell it and thus I did not need to be insured for driving.

However, you saw fit to automatically renew my insurance policy – I understand that this must be terribly convenient for those short-sighted individuals who wish to blindly carry on insuring their vehicle under the same policy without searching for a better deal every twelve months. Unfortunately I am not one of those individuals and even if I had intended to continue making use of my motorcycle and renewing an insurance policy I would be using the wonderful world of price comparison websites in order to find a better deal – if one exists – than offered by *** insurance.

To rub salt in the wound you then decided that in order to cancel my insurance policy – if you cannot remember the last paragraph please note that I did not want the policy renewed in the first place – I would have to pay you £60.00. According to one of your phone staff, a letter and e-mail were sent stating that you would renew my insurance automatically unless I said otherwise. I received no such letter and was informed that the e-mail may have ended up in my (automatically deleted) spam/junk mail folder. I hope that you use my £96.75 in order to hire someone who can better construct your e-mails so they bear less resemblance to advertisements for Viagra, Trojan horse viruses, penis extensions and hot girls from my area.

Your insistence that unless I tell you not to do something, you are allowed to do it, has stunning implications in the legal world for date rape cases especially. Please don’t think I’m being facetious; this is actually an accurate analogy – you are raping my bank account and since my cries of “NO GOD PLEASE STOP OH NO STOP ARGH” cannot be heard by your deaf ears, it is consensual in your eyes. Trust me, I’m very good at metaphors and this one really works.

When I complained about this you offered me the deceptively good deal of being able to reduce my next policy with *** by £60.00 and thus break even on the debacle. I use the phrase “deceptively” because this so-called solution involves me once again taking out an insurance policy with your company which seems like a terrible idea given the utter ineptitude and lack of sympathy you have displayed towards the situation in question. Since then, you have decided to add a payment of £36.75 for no stated reason to bring the total amount owed to £96.75, which you will find in the enclosed cheque.

Please ignore the drawings of penises and repeated curse words written on the cheque – you will find that these do not affect your ability to cash the tender but it will provide me amusement to imagine one of your incompetent and idiotic employees attempting to do so.

Regards,


Matthew Perry


P.S. : I write this extensive letter in the small hope that an *** employee with half a brain will read it and realise that this £96.75 (which represents almost a quarter of my next paycheque) is an unnecessary and borderline criminal charge before removing the charges and returning the phallus-filled cheque.

P.P.S. : I am a journalist and I work for several publications and websites. Should this letter and/or the story of your abusive cheating policy regarding insurance renewal somehow find its way to print or online publication the resulting fallout could potentially cost *** more than £96.75. This may be worth considering.


(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 17:21, 43 replies)

Is "***" MMM Insurance?
Edited subject line ;)
( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 17:24, closed)

Ha
Had I been just six seconds quicker in my message below I wouldn't look so foolish.
(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 17:25, closed)

Oh, by the by
I'm aware I blanked out their name in the letter but you can see it on the cheque. I just wanted to make this un-Googleable by typing in Em Cee Ee until the situation is sorted.
(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 17:25, closed)

Ah, as you were.
Enjoyed immensely and clicked. Not sure if blackmail is a good approach, but good luck!
( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 17:26, closed)

Why?
Why did you want it un-googleable?
In your P.P.S you said you were essentially going to kick up shit about it.
( 6821isnotmyPIN Bored cig., Sat 2 Oct 2010, 5:09, closed)

The date on the cheque says it all

( eXOBeX, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 14:35, closed)

I have never understood this "If we don't hear from you we will renew" malarky
The basis of contact law is: (1) Offer (2) Acceptance (3) Consideration (exchange of money)

Where is the offer/acceptance? As far as I am concerned you do not have a contract with the insurance company so you owe them nothing.

Also, all financial policies have a 14 day cool off period, so even if you had formed a new contract you could cancel it.

Of course dealing with insurance companies is a complete nightmare, so all of the above becomes null and void when you deal with cretins.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 17:34, closed)

Apparently the FSA reckon it is a good idea
They reckon that it's better that people are occasionally pissed off in this manner than all the people who forget to renew end up uninsured.

However I can't see why they couldn't pair this policy (it's part of the code of conduct for insurance companies) with a requirement that you can cancel at no cost.
(potato123, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 17:57, closed)

^ This. Should be a happy medium.

( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 21:20, closed)

If you cancel within 14 days of your renewal, there is no cost. After that, cancellation fees apply as per the terms and conditions of your insurance company.

( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sat 2 Oct 2010, 17:52, closed)

Did you talk to your bank?
I think you can tell your bank when people abuse the direct debit agreement (which I guess this is) and ask them to take it back?
Sorry, not much help now perhaps, but might be worth a go?
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 17:39, closed)

Eh?
Payment by cheque would indicate that the payment is not being made by direct debit or have I missed something?

*scratches head*
(Fireyfox is prepared to change, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 18:57, closed)

Perhaps it was I who missed something.
But if the policy auto-renewed but no money was taken you could just tell them to piss off, since they would have no way of getting your money. An auto-renew feature may be favoured by associations etc. but I wouldn't have thought it legally binding enough that you'd feel obliged to pay them by cheque.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 20:09, closed)

And did they cash it?
I wonder what the people at the bank thought?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 1 Oct 2010, 17:40, closed)

Nice drawings
although that arsehole looks more like a cunt*.

*But what the hell do I know about these things.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 19:14, closed)

Cunt with a cock?
Hermaphrodite?
GaGa?

Anyway, nice job on the cheque. *click*
(Bad Monkey hasn't had an abusive gaz since, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 19:56, closed)

the veins
get a clicky from me.

Hope you get a result and these absolute shower of thieves/fools indeed loose more than the 96 quid.
(Is this it like eggs but better, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 19:34, closed)

Same happened to me
except my stupid insurance had mitakenly put a no-fault claim down as a fault claim and so had increased my new premium to £800. When I got the renewal docs through, I called them to ask why it was so high (usually £300pa) and that there was no way I was paying that and hung up.

They then took the money from my bank account. I called them and went mental and they told me that as I'd not written to them to tell them to cancel the policy, I had agreed to the renewal. I pointed out that I'd told them that I'd said 'no way' on the phone and demanded that they dug out the recording and read me the script. Some little tosser said that he didn't have to read it to me etc yada yada, manager called and more arguing.

Eventually I got all the money back and an apology.

You should cancel the cheque and demand an apology from them. You owe them nothing!!!

*makes fist*
:)
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 19:38, closed)

Direct Debit guarantee
www.financial-ombudsman.org.uk/publications/ombudsman-news/27/27-directdebit-guarantee.htm

The error on the claim means you'd have been entitled to your money back in any case, as an erroneous amount was debited.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Fri 1 Oct 2010, 21:38, closed)

As stated above, I don't see why you owe them anything
I was with that lot, had an accident (non-fault) and they weren't brilliant. They then decided not to send me proof of NCB. I don't use them now.
( Greenbat, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 20:55, closed)

Me too!
I refused to pay and they sent debt collectors after me (and added lots of fees).

They went away when I sent them proof of scrapage dated BEFORE the insurance expired and asked them if they would let me claim as my insured 'car' was no more.

I hope the debt collectors charged them lots and lots and lots of money.

edit: another insurance company though...
(Squash, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 21:35, closed)

Pack of thieving...
CUNTS!!!
(Vinnie Strokes Got bummed on, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 21:44, closed)

Legally
You can wipe your arse on the cheque (or vice versa) as long as you don't wipe below the line.
# clicky #
(Klangtarnflatchslapper looks just like a Telefunken U-47, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 22:34, closed)

Stunning artistic genius
If that cheque itself isnt worth 97 quid then im not a pissed,fat,ugly scottish shit. And I am.
I laughed so hard I splaffed a bogey
(shinypurplebit booked his tickets (yay) on, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 23:23, closed)

awesome....
I hate the word "awesome", its so over-used....but it is so appropriate for that cheque - I laughed so hard some snot just shot out of eye.

Re those em ceeee eeee bastrds...I was at Silverstone last week, and got to ride a few laps of the circuit, which was nice. Right up to the point that some cunt in a black hugely over-sized crash helmet joined us from pitlane and almost took out 2 riders...they were reassured with some manic "thumbs-up" gestures from said insurance-advertising pisswhistle.

This, coupled with your experience, means I shall look elsewhere for my motorcycle insurance.
(halfmanhalfninja is constantly putting the shit back in the horse, Fri 1 Oct 2010, 23:47, closed)

Fuck dude. Chill.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Sat 2 Oct 2010, 1:38, closed)

My insurance broker tried a similar scam.
I sold a bike.. I told my insurance. They said they wanted a load of money to cancel the policy. The 'fee' was twice the amount that I'd have got back as a refund. When I said 'just let the policy run out', they said that it was illegal as I'd be insuring the bike even though I didn't own it.

I took it right to the top of the ombudsman level. A five minute phone chat ended up with me understanding that I could tell the brokers to go screw themselves (which in fact actually mean't me ignoring their letters for the last 8 weeks of the policy). I would have only broke the law if I'd try to claim for an incident involving the new owner. (which, of course was not going to happen).

So, all correspondence was ignored.

It saved me several quid. Lesson learned, don't bend over.

Remember people, just because some person on the end of a phone says something. It doesn't make it law.

:D

EDIT: (based on UK law) - I've no idea about any backward colonial agreements ;)
( mikenco, Sat 2 Oct 2010, 2:29, closed)

Oh dear. You look like a bit of a twat.
and far from making your point to your ex-insurers, they will have laughed at the thick cunt of a client who couldn't read a renewal notice. You did get your renewal notice, but like thousands of other people, you didn't bother to read it properly. You know, like those 'shot-sighted' individuals you refer to in your letter.

If you HAD have read your renewal, you would have noticed that if you pay on direct debit then your insurance will automatically renew unless you contact your insurers. They have to do this by law. It's not them being money-grabbing cunts, it's them making sure that you don't break the fucking law by driving around uninsured.

If you had bothered to contact your insurance company within 14 days of your renewal date then there would have been no cancellation fee. Unfortunately you didn't. Sucks to be you. I can guarantee that you are the laughing stock of your insurance company and they are rather pleased to have lost your business.

Moral of the story kids - READ YOUR BLOODY DOCUMENTATION PROPERLY.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sat 2 Oct 2010, 17:50, closed)

Thanks for telling me what post I did and didn't receive
I'm glad I have you to remember this for me. I can assure you I didn't: I make sure to read every insurance-related letter as I'm in the midst of a claim from last year and get lots of letters regarding this. If I HAD read my renewal, I would have contacted them within 14 days. Of course, if I HAD read my renewal then I would have received it. I did not, though you seem to be confident that I did - can you stop going through my post, please?
(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Sat 2 Oct 2010, 18:38, closed)

It's not your insurance company's fault. It's yours.
You know when your renewal date is, you should know your policy will automatically renew, you didn't cancel it in time. It's very very simple. You are a cock.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Sat 2 Oct 2010, 19:16, closed)

Oh man, wait till they find out you're my missus.
There'll be HELL ON then.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 2 Oct 2010, 19:23, closed)

Ha ha ha ha ha

( fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 2:23, closed)

handbags
at dawn.
(menashem, Sat 2 Oct 2010, 23:38, closed)

Mine doesn't
And my previous ones never did, either. I changed insurers and the old ones just buggered off.
( eXOBeX, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 14:39, closed)

+1
Mine too, and my current policy (bought online) gave the option during checkout to auto-renew at the expiry date.
After reading this post I though to myself "nah, I'm a grown up, I'll make my own arrangements in my own time thank you very fucking much."
(Vinnie Strokes Got bummed on, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 18:59, closed)

LEAVE IT WICCA. He's a diamond mate of mine and I am King Of /Talk
Therefore, I am right and you need to send me a dog with a log on it's tits.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 22:01, closed)

Love it
Did they cash it? Same deal happened with me, I sold a crap car and decided to let the insurance run out for the last few weeks. Turns out they renewed it and started charging me without even sending me a letter. I called them and told them to stop, where I was advised by the girl on the phone, that yes, they could stop my policy for a mere £500 - FIVE HUNDRED - pounds penalty fee. I replied "I think I'll just cancel the direct debit and you can swing for it love. Bye."

That was 4 years ago. Not one letter or phone call.
(menashem, Sat 2 Oct 2010, 23:36, closed)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gtaf9Hp04yY
2 mins 22

An incredible McNulty portrait. Well done!
(El_diablo_blanco, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 3:00, closed)

chapeau to you
Click. I would not have paid the extra 36.75.
(justin(e), Sun 3 Oct 2010, 11:39, closed)

fuck em dude, it pisses me off that they think they can renew it even though you've only asked for 12 months of insurance and bump your preems up 10 fold.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 22:02, closed)

I work for a bank. I hope one of my customers brings in a cheque like this one day - would make the processing much more fun. The best I've had so far was a ten pound note that had 'I FUCKING HATE YOU' written on it...maybe that was intended for them as well...
(HugeTonsils was being a shop bitch on, Sun 3 Oct 2010, 23:15, closed)

Can you write a cheque on ANYTHING?
Like a cow? Or is that an urban myth?
(zebby wasting irony here on, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:21, closed)

You can't write a cheque on an urban myth
that would be madness.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 6 Oct 2010, 22:24, closed)