more pea-roastage
Numero 1,

I had a customer call to say they wanted to disconnect their mobile as it was too expensive,
ME "ok, do you think your talkplan is too high?"
HIM "No"
ME "so what are you finding expensive?"
HIM "The batteries, I am switching my phone off after every call I make, but the batteries run out within a month & it was too expensive to keep buying new ones!"
(He added that he had so far bought 3 batteries at a cost of about £50 a piece.)
ME (biting lip) "are you aware that the batteries are rechargeable?... that's why we supply a charger."
HIM "Shit"
The line went dead

Numero 2,

...selling round-the-world tickets to a couple of (rich) gap year students:

Customer A: "So we'll be in Sydney for new year then?"
Me: "Yes"
Customer A: "Is it their summer then?"
Me: "Yes"
Customer B: "So when do Australians celebrate Christmas?"
Me: "July"
Customer B: "Really?"
Me: "No"
(Lord Chode, Tue 8 Sep 2009, 15:43, 10 replies)

Lies!
I've heard both of these stories elsewhere.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 8 Sep 2009, 15:47, closed)

As above
You filthy liar.
(Eoghan, Tue 8 Sep 2009, 19:46, closed)

I know, I know...
guilty as charged, but it seemed relevant to this QOTW
(Lord Chode, Tue 8 Sep 2009, 21:47, closed)

Why the blithering fuck?
Why would you copy somebody else's stories and post them here as your own? You doss cunt. It's in the same league as Legless and Spanky Hanky's torrents of bullshit.

You massive twat.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Sep 2009, 22:01, closed)

Well, Plumdozer,
there are actually a lot of people who do tha... (reads all of Plumdozer's post) well said sir.
(Ed Quarters has moved house!, Tue 8 Sep 2009, 22:21, closed)

because...
*shrugs shoulders*

bog off
(Lord Chode, Tue 8 Sep 2009, 22:45, closed)

Heh...
Well, I liked 'em :)
( snee held his breath since, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 8:23, closed)

I think that if a torrent of bullshit is well-written and funny, it's fine.
Legless, particularly, is a shining example of the way that bullshit should be spouted.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 9:52, closed)

I don't
I don't see how trying to pass off fiction as fact is laudable at all. My fanfics I've posted here have been clearly invented. Legless's stories are spun to make him sound like some kind of ass-kicking interweb ninja. If you have to pretend to be exciting and dynamic then in my book, you're a twatcock. Ditto Spanky Hanky.

My favourite Legless story was the one where he was feeling up girls' tits in the student union bar. When I pulled him up on sexual assault he told me to get to fuck. What a prize prick.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 17:26, closed)

Sir,
do you have Prince Albert in a can?
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 2:29, closed)