Smoking.
I never listened. I wish I had.

Smoking is shit. So is my will power. I have tried the gum, the patches, 'cold turkey', prescription meds, electronic cigarettes, hypnosis, NHS cessation clinics, the fucking lot. Epic fails.

I smoke 30 a day. That's about £11 a day that i set fire to, which is approximately £4k a year out of net income. I stink of tobacco, my wife hates it and at the age of 39 I have smoked for more of my life than I haven't. Even becoming a parent hasn't stopped me (although I would never smoke anywhere near my daughter and never in the house).

We all make mistakes, some of mine have been significant with long term consequences, but out of them all, I wish I had listened to the advice i received and never started smoking.

serious post is serious. Apologies for the lack of... Etc.


( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 19:22, 78 replies)

I smoked from 12 years old until I was 38
and then I quit after dozens of tries. It wasn't easy but something just clicked and I never smoked again. I can't even explain it, I think perhaps it was at that moment that I actually *wanted* to stop so the willpower I'd previously lacked sprung up and helped but I don't really know.
Peer pressure and complaining and guilt don't work, I know that.
And now I can breathe properly and taste things and I only stink at work and can walk up hills and mountains which is proper fucking good.

So don't give up giving up but you must give up giving up on the giving up.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 19:32, closed)

Nail and hammer
Spot on. I cannot explain it either but you saying 'Something just clicked' is exactly right. Tried many a time to give up then, using the exact same aids as before, I've now been smoke free for almost two years.

Don't give up - See your doctor and try everything. Also give yourself some chance of succeeding by avoiding the situations where you *must* have a fag. Make 'I'll have one tomorrow' your mantra.
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Mon 19 Nov 2012, 13:37, closed)

I gave up, no problem.
The day of my heart attack.
Left me badly debilitated. Smart people give up before that happens.
( MaxineBasset Betty Basset Bombs are Better, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 19:56, closed)

Right there with you
I smoked from 14 to 33. Quit briefly a few times but the final motivation was buying a house I could only afford if I gave up the expensive waste of tobacco. I was always skeptical of all the so called health benefits of not smoking. Turned out they were true.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Thu 15 Nov 2012, 20:00, closed)

I've got to be pedantic and challenge you here
Who advised you not to smoke? You're five years younger than me and, whilst there was an understanding of the shit that smoking is when we were younger did anyone actually say - "Battered. Don't start, because you'll fucking regret it."? And if they did, were you listening to them or your mates?

Are you telling me that, when you started, you'd have said "Oh yes, how correct." Or just done what you were going to do anyway?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 20:17, closed)

My grandfather (who smoked for over 40 years) told me not to, when I was about 13 and he'd heard I had already tried the occasional JPS.
At the time I didn't listen. I now wish I had.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 20:54, closed)

Problem is, and this sounds like a lame excuse, which it isn't,
that in the 70s and 80s, smoking was more acceptable, and there were none of the restrictions on marketing that there are now.

I started when I was a teenager, and at the time, everybody smoked, fags were advertised on TV and every other medium. People would say 'Tsk, nasty habit', and that's about it.

I still smoke, and I'm pretty much all in favour of the moves to get cigarettes out of view. I wish I hadn;t started.

About cost - I've found the solution is to smoke rollups. They cost about 1/10th of the price of normal fags, and they're fiddly and annoying to roll, so I tend to smoke less of them. I travel just about enough to always be able to grab them in duty free. I spend about £5 / week on smoking.

If I wanted to smoke like I used to, 20 silk cut a day, I'd be really pushed to afford it.
(username failed moderation, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:49, closed)

I smoked from 12 to 32.
If you want, I can tell you what worked for me.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 20:23, closed)

Extreme poverty (i.e. the choice between fags or food) knocked it on the head for me.
The second time I passed out without warning, and realised it was due to hunger, was the turning point.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 0:55, closed)

Sadly many are not so enlightened
especially when it's their children who don't smoke!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 16 Nov 2012, 5:55, closed)

All children smoke...
if you use the right accelerant.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Fri 16 Nov 2012, 14:59, closed)

Likewise
I tried to give up for years, but could never do it when I was drinking booze. I would always buy a pack on a night out. Finally made it when I was challenged with not smoking for only one night out. "Easy" said I, but the condition that I drink until I got nicely drunk was included in the bet.

It was hell and I had some minor drunken arguments with my mates that night when I tried to buy some after 3-4 pints. I made it though and ever since then it was like the spell was broken.

Not everyone is the same though. For me it was a cig and a pint, it was magical, I can only suggest you find what it is that you 'like' about it and break the habit that connects them.
( Bamboo Steamer, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 20:24, closed)

lol

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 20:25, closed)

I found the best way to cut down
was to actually consciously make a break to go and have a cig. So stop everything, go outside and do nothing apart from smoke - no phones or reading. EDIT: I should also point out - only 1 at a time, no donkey roots!
I like to be busy so that saw me go from about a pack every couple of days to 1 pack a week roughly. I only smoke when I drink now and I don't drink every day (tho I'm over Dr. Skagra's 21 units. A day!) so I smoke maybe 5 cigs on drinking days.
When I don't drink (I go for weeks at a time dry), I don't smoke and could pretty easily go without forever.
Might be worth a try to wean like that?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 15 Nov 2012, 23:10, closed)

Wow, that makes you seem incredibly tedious.

(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Thu 15 Nov 2012, 23:23, closed)

Cheers!

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 15 Nov 2012, 23:27, closed)

Stop buying cigarettes, then.
Rocket science!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 23:24, closed)

Theft is not the answer.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 15 Nov 2012, 23:46, closed)

Geeza fag, guvna?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 16 Nov 2012, 5:54, closed)

I am looking after a mate at the moment
he has stage 4 lung cancer. So he has a tumour on his lung which has spread to his lymph nodes. It was only spotted when it then spread to his brain and gave him the symptoms of a severe stroke.
He went from an energetic everyday bloke to being half paralysed, and confined to a wheelchair with roughly 6 months to live all in the space of 3 weeks.
Instead of seeing him at work and having a laugh or meeting out for a pint and chatting shit all night I am now helping him have a poo or cutting up his dinner when ever I have a chance to be there.
No one is going to stop him smoking now, there is no point, and sitting with him outside chatting shit is one of the pleasures he has left.
It's been horrific, and it isn't over yet.
He is only 60.
Time goes so quick and all the plans he had for the rest of his life are now just gone.
That's all I wanted to say.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 0:31, closed)

Thanks
You said what needed to be said very eloquently. Battered - please stop. Today. Give us updates this week whilst QOTW is open.
(justin(e), Fri 16 Nov 2012, 1:18, closed)

Go to your doctor and ask about Champix - immediately & completely stopped the craving for me.
you can tell him/her I sent you if you like.

It stopped me, but you do need to follow the 12 week course (as with the malaria tablets, if you don't you are fucked).

Only downside is really really vivid dreams for 12 weeks, so not a good idea if you are mental, but for most normal people it's OK. I actually grew to look forward to them in the end.

Oh and I also read the alan car easy way to stop smoking book from cover to cover about 2 weeks in and the book and the tablets completely removed the craving from me for good with none of the usual irritability that was normally associated with me stopping before. So far It's been well over a year and I haven't had the urge to smoke at all even after 25 years well in excess of 20 a day.

Good Luck
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 7:37, closed)

I am on other meds for my epilepsy, so can't take champix. I will read the Alan Carr book. Ta.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 7:50, closed)

Don't bother.
It's all 'blah blah I've got big teeth blah blah I'm a bender' etc. Barely even mentions smoking.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:20, closed)

That was the Hendrix book, I thought?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:02, closed)

No, it was 'Neil Buchanan's Big Book of Lies'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:07, closed)

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:35, closed)

^ Neil, just after telling a particuarly elaborate lie, earlier

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:57, closed)

tl:dr

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:38, closed)

A big click.
Fuck I struggle with smoking. Taken it up again after a 8 year hiatus, now I smoke with a vengance. My wife hates it, I'm always hiding it from the kids, I've chucked away fuck knows how many half packs of ciggies in a rage, only to return to the shop the next day. It's a savage addiction, and we all know it's completely fucking up our health...but just one more before quitting, eh? Just one.
( Ken Oath, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:50, closed)

Alright Oathsy, you crazy old troll, you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:54, closed)

Alright dude.

( Ken Oath, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 13:07, closed)

You smoke and your daughter's just been in hospital with breathing problems?
Even if you don't smoke near her the poison residue is in your clothes, hair and skin.
If you can't give up for yourself at least consider doing it for her, it might give you the willpower.
apologies for lack of funneh , etc.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:00, closed)

My 'poison residue' is in your mum's clothes, hair and skin.
apologies for lack of funneh, etc.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:54, closed)

You've got to just not want to do it anymore
This seems to be the problem we all face ...previous attempts under our belts so we assume we can't stop, but do keep trying. The Alan Carr book is just about how great Alan Carr is as far as I can tell and did nothing to help me. I started in the 80s and it's bugger all to do with advertising it was already well known it was dangerous, we are all responsible for our own actions so there is no one else is to blame.
I was rolling myself a ciggie one day and the thought "why?" popped into my head and I couldn't answer it. I stopped rolling that cigarette and I've only had two cigarettes since (beer aided decisions) and only finished one of them. That was 5 years ago and I can't even imagine being a smoker now.
You won't stop until you just don't want to do it anymore. Every time you light up ask yourself why you are doing it. When you can't answer it don't have one.
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:11, closed)

COPD
That's what my old man died of at the age of 58. Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disorder, the umbrella term for chronic emphysema and bronchitis, brought on by a lifetime of smoking. At the time I was nearing 80 per day, and I was 37 yrs old. Watching a loved one die such a horrible, painful and needless death was the final nail in the coffin (excuse the pun). If you have the drive to stop smoking, I highly recommend Allan Carr - Easyway, it worked for me. Don't waste your money on NRT, just as bad as the real ciggies.
2.5 years down the line I'm fitter than I was at half my age, regularly run 5-6km, always out on the bike, hit the gym every other day. Oh, and I still drink like an alcoholic fish.
(cargoeng, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:16, closed)

Don't get stressed about it
You're bound to stop eventually. Every smoker does in the end.
( P-MONKE We're all fucked, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:17, closed)

Who cares?
Just have a fag, you're not going to live forever
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:34, closed)

Hi Emv mate!!!!!!
Just think, when he dies he might turn into a COOL ZOMBIE!!!!!!!!! That would be SO COOL!!!! It'd be like that WICKED film with those guys from 'Spaced' in it!!!!!!!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:56, closed)

Oh hello Monty
You know I'm in Shaun of the Dead, right?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:02, closed)

Nothing would surprise me less.
It's excruciatingly poor. I can honestly say that the scene where they are throwing records at that prick, is without doubt the most pathetic and embarrassing scene in any film I have ever seen. I am genuinely shaking my head just thinking about it.

Do you, by any chance, play a complete fucking spastic in it?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:06, closed)

Aw diddums
Someone's a bit of a misery-guts today. What's wrong, Monts? Have you finally realised what a total and utter waste of time your life has been?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:20, closed)

time money
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:29, closed)

I'll take that as a 'yes', then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:35, closed)

Yes, I spent ages developing the character of "complete fucking spastic".
I lived in Kentish Town at the time and I based him on this sad fuck I used to see hanging around on those benches outside the tube station with long hair and a paedo 'tache. He was always sniffing around the local crack whores but most of them wouldn't give him the time of day because he was a deadbeat loser with no money. I heard that he eventually got one of them so wasted that she let him fuck her once, but after that he moved away, probably to some complete shithole.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:53, closed)

Oh this is frightfully good.
You really are top notch at this stuff.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 13:11, closed)

It passes the time while I sit on my balcony
Sipping orange juice and munching on a croissant
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 13:18, closed)

I'll hopefully out live you. By about 50 years with any luck.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:31, closed)

I smoked for thirteen years.
I stopped cold turkey. Eat shit, Battered.
( Kroney, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:38, closed)

Yes, but you smoked Gauloise. So disgusting they're easy to give up. Plus, being French you're used to giving up.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:47, closed)

*polite clapping*

( Kroney, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 13:09, closed)

I prefer it lightly grilled, myself.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 13:10, closed)

Weak-willed is what he is.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 13:11, closed)

This story makes me want a fag.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:40, closed)

it is a vile habit
only when you give up properly do you realise how vile it is. to people who don't smoke, people who do smell/taste disgusting. even if you've cleaned your teeth or whatever, it clings to your hair, your fingers (esp if you smoke cheap rollies), your breath... when you do give up, you'll jump right on this bandwagon, because the smell IS FUCKING AWFUL.

i never smoked because my grandma got gangrene in her foot from smoking. the doctor amputated her toe and told her to quit. she said she was 70 and she would do what she liked. he said very good, and he looked forward to seeing her next year to take off the rest of her leg. she quit. believe me, there is nothing like seeing an old lady's 4-toed foot to put a kid off smoking...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:46, closed)

or i could make you cry like i made monty cry
by picturing a conversation between your mrs and your daughter, when your daughter is asking when daddy is coming home, and mummy is explaining what bronchioloalveolar carcinoma means....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:48, closed)

Does it mean sexy bumfun time?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:50, closed)

what doesn't mean that to you?!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:51, closed)

YOUR SON IS DEAD!
MR KIRK, DO YOU HAVE A SON NAMED ROBERT KIRK, AGED 17?

YOUR SON IS DEAD!

What a lovely old hymn that was.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:57, closed)

Takes me back.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 13:10, closed)

OUCH. OUCH. OUCH.
Please remind me of this post over the next few days.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:52, closed)

In Battered's case the story will go
Daughter: "When's daddy coming home?"
Mum: "He's standing right in front of you. Look down. Come on now, this stopped being funny when you were seven. Show your dad some respect"
( Kroney, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 13:12, closed)

haha.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 13:17, closed)

Smoking is cool though.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 13:10, closed)

I gave up in 2003
Thanks to a bout of chronic pleuracy.

To get over the problem of needing a smoke with a pint I gave up both at the same time.

I then weaned myself back on to the beer by going to the pub for a pint after work every day and not smoking. I gradually built up to two then three pints without smoking all the way up to night out and finally all-dayer.

Still has weird cravings at odd times but managed to ride them out. For me right after dinner was difficult and first cuppa in the morning and oddly airport departure lounge.

It was the memory of the pain of the pleuracy that helped though.

Maybe if you get someone to kick you in the nuts every time you spark one up it'll help?
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 13:41, closed)

A pint after work, everyday, building up to 3 pints,
followed by staying until chucking out, and now you're there all day, every day?
How's the liver?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 15:45, closed)

Apologies for lack of clarity
I give myself plenty of days off in between the drinking and now do one all dayer a year on average but don't get any cravings for nicotine when I do.

You can build up a tolerance to the cravings by creating a new habit of drinking without smoking to replace the old one of drinking and smoking together.

The hardest thing is having to force yourself to go home on a night out rather than give in to the cravings.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 16:13, closed)

My secret
was to slope off from work on the dot of five o'clock on the last working Friday before Christmas, get pissed, and chain smoke five packs of Marlboro Reds by 11.30pm

I guarantee you'll feel so ill the next day you won't feel like smoking. So you'll leave it for a day. Then the next day, you won't feel like smoking much, so you'll leave it another day.

If you can then contrive to catch a proper dose of 'flu, like I did, you'll be another fortnight before you even contemplate smoking.

After that, around New Year's Eve, venture out and have a beer or two. Just when you start feeling human again, ponce a fag off a mate who still smokes - ideally something really cheap and nasty-tasting (for me it was a Rothman's Royal, IIRC). You won't enjoy it, and you'll think to yourself "it's New Year's Eve, why don't I just make a resolution to stop smoking altogether".

16 years later, I still don't smoke, and when I had to pretend to last year for am-dram, I hated the smell and taste so much I was genuinely confused as to why on Earth I'd ever started in the first place.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 15:48, closed)

A good old throat infection really helps too.

(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:13, closed)

i quit just over 4 weeks ago
it's still driving me crazy, but i'm determined to do it. i waited until i really wanted to quit, because i know i'll have a much better chance of getting off them for good this time.
good luck!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 15:55, closed)

Pwned.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 17:47, closed)

Completely.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 18:25, closed)

Have you tried going electric? Even if it doesn't lead you to stop, it's not as bad for your health, your wallet or your olfactory appeal.
(SamHamwich, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 7:47, closed)

JUDAS!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 17:13, closed)

This is quite frankly hilarious 'Bob Dylan' joke.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 17:13, closed)